


In pursuit of happiness

by lockedlocke



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bearded Steve Rogers, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Frotting, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mental Health problems, Road Trip, Smut, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, dog dads, handjobs, handjobs in bathtub, road trip to disney, twinge of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 03:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lockedlocke/pseuds/lockedlocke
Summary: As a burnout finally catches up with Steve Rogers, he calls his best friend Bucky Barnes for support. Bucky comes over in a heartbeat, intent on helping Steve through his struggles and make him find himself again. The solution after an evening of Spaghetti and watching The Aristocats, is a road trip down to Florida with as many detours as they wish.End goal? Disney world. If there is a place in the world to make Steve feel happy again? It is the happiest place on earth. And should he find love on the way down? All the better...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inflomora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inflomora/gifts).

> I hope you all will enjoy my contributin to this years Captain America Big Bang! The work has been in process for quite some time now and I'm super excited to share it with you all, as well as the wonderful art made by [Inflomora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inflomora/profile), who has made three gorgeous pieces and a banner for the story, each piece of art will be posted in their respective chapter, I hope you find enjoyment in the fic!

\--

When the elevator stops somewhere in between the fourth and fifth floor as it always does with a screech, Steve leans back against the wall and sinks down to the floor. His legs feel like lead. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath while the mechanical voice of the supervisor over the speaker chimes, “_ Sorry Rogers, you know how it is. _”

Yes, he knows exactly how it is. The elevator should have been fixed months ago, it’s not the first time that he’s going to be stuck in it, and it’s not going to be the last time either. Funnily enough, when the elevator stops Steve gets the feeling that everything else around him stops, too. It feels just as good as it feels terrible. 

Steve takes another deep breath, imagining that gif he’s seen on the internet. The one that folds out into a shape, holds it, and then folds back together. He thinks of it while taking his deep breath. Holds it, and exhales when he imagines the shape fold itself back together. It doesn’t ease the thrum that he feels under his skin. The sort of vibration that tells him that everything is about to go wrong. He knows it won’t, but he can’t help but feel like a wire is going to snap and the elevator is going to start racing down. That would be…well, he’d feel better if that were to happen. 

His next breath shakes more and he presses his thumb and index finger against his eyes. The elevator stops and so does his life. 

_ “Rogers?” _ The voice of the janitor fills the small metal room. 

Steve can feel how he begins to break apart. Crumbling bit by bit. Small little pieces of him, not much bigger than grains of sand. It had been pebbles on his way home, large cracks the moment he stepped into the elevator. And when the elevator had stopped along with his life, he had started to break into chunks as it all came falling down. 

_ “Rogers, you okay?” _

Steve shakes his head in response. But rather than give him a verbal response that he isn’t, he pulls out his bag and digs through it until he finds his phone. He sniffs and swipes to unlock it. He goes instantly to his contacts and pulls up Bucky’s name, presses it and presses the number to call him. He takes a breath and looks up to the ceiling of the elevator. 

For some reason, he doesn’t expect Bucky to answer. He hears the first dial tone and his gut screams at him to hang up. Bucky isn’t going to answer, so why waste his time waiting around for him to? The second dial tone echoes through his skull. The third seems to drown in a lake. Surprisingly, Bucky picks up on the fourth. 

“_ Hey Stevie, what’s up? _” Bucky’s voice echoes through the phone, happy as always. Cheerful like nothing else matters. He loves that tone in his best friend. He’s envious of him for that. Envious of how Bucky can just be happy at everything that’s thrown in his way. Well, happy at most things. Be happy at enough things. 

“Hey, it’s uhh, it’s me,” Steve says. Instantly feeling stupid. Of course, Bucky knows it’s him. He even has a special ringtone for Steve and Steve alone and a picture that pops up on his phone whenever Steve calls. Bucky always knows if it’s him, Bucky knows it in his gut. He sniffs and wipes his nose. He imagines the shape again and takes yet another breath. “You busy?” 

Bucky is quiet on the other end of the line for a couple of seconds. Steve keeps his eyes closed. Bucky knows, he can sense it in the vibration that hangs in between them. Of course Bucky knows, Bucky always knows. His best friend had known him for all of his life, since kindergarten years, of course he’s going to know. “_ Steve, are you okay? _” 

The joy is gone in his voice, and instead it’s just serious. There’s some concern in it too, always the big brother even if Steve isn’t an official Barnes. Bucky sure as hell treats him like one however, as does the rest of his family. Steve licks his lips and tries to lie, tries to tell Bucky that he’s okay and that he just wanted to talk. But he can’t. “No,” Steve says and hears how his voice cracks while he says it. He feels his facial features crack. “No, I’m not, can you come over, please?” 

There’s another voice in the background that Bucky moves away from. Steve thinks that it’s Clint, but he’s not entirely sure. It wouldn’t surprise him if they had gathered to play video games together. “_ Yeah, yeah of course, I’m on my way now, okay? I’ll be there soon Need me to pick something up? Food, drinks, anything like that? _”

The questions overwhelm Steve a little, but in a good way. He’s relieved at the thought that he doesn’t have to cook or worry about anything like that. He feels a bit better at the idea. Bucky’s going to come over and he’s going to make everything better. He’s going to have a shitty evening that’ll gradually get better and at one point, he’ll be able to let it all go and go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and he’ll pull through that one as well. Just like every other day before today. 

“Bring some food?” Steve asks quietly on the phone. He doesn’t even care what Bucky waltzes in through his front door with. As long as it’s something edible and he doesn't have to cook it. “Or make something? I just don’t want to cook, I don’t want to do anything.” 

“_ You got it buddy, grocery trip then I’m over, I’ll be there in a flash. Don’t you worry, okay? I’m gonna hang up now, but I’ll be right there. I promise you that okay, tell me you heard me. _”

“I heard you,” Steve says with a little nod, he sniffs again. He feels a little bit better at the idea that Bucky is on his way and coming. “I’m in the elevator, It’s uhhh. Stuck again? I’ll be in by the time you get there. I’m just gonna shower, just, use your key and let yourself in. Like always, yeah?” Steve brushes his hand through his hair. His scalp hurts a little for reasons he’s not entirely sure on. He imagines that it’s the stress, everything can be talked off with stress. 

“_ I’ll manage, Steve. You just get in and do what you need to do. I’ll be right there, I promise,” _ Bucky says, and with that Bucky hangs up. The phone goes silent. Steve sighs and removes it from his ear, then he blinks up to the ceiling of the elevator again. Where he suspects that the camera that the supervisor uses is hanging. 

“_ You okay, Rogers? _”

“I’m fine, thanks. Can you just fix the elevator?” 

\--

Bucky, the star that he is, turns up forty-five minutes later, just as Steve gets out of the shower and getting dressed. Steve had been hoping for the scent of pizza when Bucky walks through the door. Instead Bucky comes barging in with a bag of groceries and sets to work in the kitchen. He feels like crying again when he realises that Bucky is attempting to make Winnie’s spaghetti sauce, which he still hasn’t figured out exactly how Winnie makes and she won’t share either. But he tries, and every time he tries it’s a little bit closer to the real thing. Bucky never eats it, but he makes it for Steve.

Steve sits down on one of the chairs in the kitchen, and watches Bucky for a couple of minutes while he prepares the meatballs. Neither of them speak at first. A radio talk show murmurs in the background , but Steve isn’t really listening. He’s pretty certain that Bucky is listening with half an ear. Neither of them say anything until Bucky is finished with the meatballs and washes his hands. Then, he peeks over his shoulder and looks at Steve. “You want a beer or something?”

Steve closes his eyes and nods. He feels exhausted still, and the shower made him feel as if he turned into led. He doesn’t really have the energy to do much of anything really, so he’s grateful when Bucky walks over to the refrigerator and takes out two beers. He passes one can over to Steve and keeps one to himself. Steve opens it and drinks while Bucky fills up a pot with water and puts it on the stove, turning it on. When he’s done that, Bucky goes to sit down on the only other chair in the kitchen and just watches Steve with those curious blue eyes of his. Steve plays a little bit with the can, the metal making little twangs.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong now, pal?” Bucky asks on such a gentle tone that it makes him want to cry again. He doesn’t, of course, he’s too drained for that now. He’s pretty sure that most of the tears came out during that short burst in the elevator and the other burst he had in the shower. Steve takes a breath and tilts his head back, trying to figure out where to even start. That’s the most interesting part he thinks, he can’t really pinpoint what _ is _ wrong. How can he when _ everything _feels absolutely wrong? Bucky is patient with him. He stays quiet and waits for Steve to figure it out at his own pace. 

“I don’t really know,” Steve eventually says. The words work like magic. The moment he utters them he knows exactly what _ everything is wrong _ entails. He knows he hates his job. He hates his apartment. He hates that he’s too tired to do his own art when he’s home. He hates that he doesn’t feel the energy to hang out with his friends anymore. He hates that he doesn’t cook anymore like Bucky does and essentially lives on take out. He hates he’s so tired and he hates that despite everything he can’t sleep, and feels something constantly thrum under his skin. He hates everything, which is strange. Steve never considered himself to be a hateful person. But instead of saying all that, Steve says, “I’m tired.” 

“You look tired,” Bucky says, not helpful. Steve nods, he didn’t think he looked tired whenever he got ready in the morning for work, but then again, if you see the same expression day in and day out you can’t tell the difference. “You sleeping okay? You look like you need to sleep for like a week.” 

If only. The world doesn’t stop just because he goes to bed, but by god does Steve wish that it would. He wishes he could just lay in bed and nap forever. That he could move his tv into the bedroom and just stare at junk programs all day. He wishes he could do that for more than a week. But the world doesn’t stop, he still needs to get up and eat something. He still needs to shower and bathe. He needs to work, he needs to make money to be able to pay for his ridiculous damn overpriced apartment because everything in fucking New York is expensive. His landlord isn’t going to be happy if Steve asks if he can skip paying his rent for one month because all he did was lay in bed. Life doesn’t stop. 

“Not really, not enough anyway. I keep waking up, can’t go back to sleep. Repeat,” Steve sighs and drinks beer. Maybe tonight he’ll sleep okay. After all it’s a Friday, it’s a weekend, he has absolutely no plans because he hadn’t made any besides try to finish his art piece. There would be no stress on when to get out of bed. 

“Sucks,” Bucky states. Steve sighs and nods a little. Sucks sums it up perfectly he thinks. Everything sucks, the world sucks, life sucks. He can’t sleep so that sucks. Bucky with his perfect way of words in matters like these. He doesn’t complicate it. He just tells it like it is. “Work been busy?” he asks on a softer voice. On the stove, the water slowly is beginning to boil. Bucky doesn’t react just yet, he’s got another minute. 

“Downright awful.” Steve sighs and drinks his beer again. The can is already half empty and he’s half of a mind to get drunk this evening. Maybe they should just open his whiskey bottle and finish that while putting on a movie. Lord knows that Steve bought enough movies the past year with the intention of watching them, but never getting round to it. The last twenty he started to take the plastic wrap off just to feel a little bit better about it. At least he had touched them. “How do you do it?” 

“How do I do what?” Bucky asks, quirking his eyebrow up a little. Steve licks his lips, suddenly not sure on how to even begin phrasing the question that was playing on his mind. With his eyebrow still raised, Bucky drinks his own beer. 

“How are you always so happy?” Steve asks and thunks his head against the wall behind him while looking at Bucky. Bucky snorts and shakes his head again. His long hair stays perfectly in place, gelled, waxed or sprayed or whatever he’d done an hour before his bathroom mirror that day, peacocking like Bucky always does. 

“I’m not always happy, you know that. You, if anyone, knows that,” Bucky falls silent and looks down at the table. Steve nods. He does know. Bucky wasn’t always happy. In his teenage years he had been downright miserable. But now as an adult? Now Bucky stood steadier than a ridge of mountains. It hadn’t been easy for Bucky either, but over the years into his early, and then late twenties he had finally found himself. Found his spot in the world and was always happy. Bucky hadn’t told Steve much about it, mostly because he hadn't wanted to. Steve had respected that and never pried. It wasn’t his business really. Steve was his best friend and still didn’t know about the journey that Bucky had made, only because Bucky had wanted to keep it close to his own heart. 

“But how do you do it now? How are you so happy all the damn time?” Steve asks again, hoping for an answer this time. He doesn’t need to know how _ well _ it worked for Bucky, or exactly how he had done it in the first place. All he’s asking for is a little bit of guidance, just a little nudge into the right direction so he could relax. So he could rest easy and know that things were about to get brighter. That’s what people always said right? Things got brighter?

“You think I sit on the answer to happiness?” Bucky asks, the question sounds sharp and almost a little bit cruel. But Steve knows Bucky well enough to realise that’s not the case. Steve raises his shoulders a little as he watches Bucky while he waits for his answer. Bucky puts the can of beer down on the table and goes over to the stove. “I don’t know the answer to your happiness, Steve, I only know the answer to mine.” 

“What’s yours, then?” Steve asks. It makes him feel like a bad friend that he doesn’t know. Bucky did so many changes to his life before he became happy, some stayed, some disappeared, and he added some new things. He knows the most obvious changes, the ones that Bucky didn’t need to tell him in order for Steve to see them. “What’s your answer to happiness?”

“I quit my job. I don’t work for a boss anymore, I freelance and I do what I want. Only write what I want. I stopped eating meat, became a vegetarian. Uhh,” Bucky hums as he puts the meatballs in the now boiling water, then he turns back to Steve and casts his eyes up to the ceiling while he tries to think of all the other little things that have helped him. “I broke up with my girlfriend, I came out as gay. I stopped going to the gym for exercise and picked up mountaineering instead. I set bedtimes, made sure I slept enough. I give myself at least an hour of me time after work to do whatever the fuck I want. I started volunteering at shelters because dogs. Made sure to take weekend trips. Started meditating. Bought a couple of games for the ipad that are mindless to keep me occupied with. That’s… kind of what I do in order to stay happy. That works for me. I do what I want to do and that gives me some peace. That’s my answer to happiness.” Bucky shrugs again and looks back down to Steve. “But I don’t know what it is for you, you need to figure that out. I can’t tell you what it is for you.” 

“Okay.” Steve nods a little, feeling just a little bit disappointed that he doesn’t know what it is for him. He’s happy for Bucky, of course. “Can you help me figure out what the answer to my happiness is?” Steve asks. 

“Okay,” Bucky agrees easily and shrugs a little. “What do you want to do?” 

“I don’t know,” Steve says honestly. “Eat, stare at the tv some, sleep?” he adds, chuckling a little. It’s not quite a proper plan, he’s not even sure it’ll do something. But Bucky seems to accept that answer and stares down the pot with the meatballs to see how they’re coming along. 

“Alright, start with that, nothing more tonight okay, we’re doing that and nothing else. Eating, staring at the tv, and when you fall asleep, you fall asleep. Fuck the plans for tomorrow, turn off your alarm and wake up when you wake up. Then ask yourself again in the morning. What do you want to do?” 

“Quit my job,” The words tumble out of Steve’s mouth before he even has the time to think about them. He shuts his eyes. Quitting his job is not that simple. What the fuck is he going to do instead? And in this fucking economy? Where on earth is he going to get a job? As an illustrator it’s difficult finding steady work and a steady paycheck. He could do solo projects but the problem lies in one month making a lot of money and the next living thinly. He’s not certain that he could do that, he doesn’t want another stress on top of everything. 

“So quit it,” Bucky joins him back down by the table and grabs his beer again. “Do what I do, freelance, pick and choose what you want to do. Put artworks on etsy, start drawing comics about what you know and put up a patreon or something. Steve, you’re talented. If you do that you’ll make it, you’ll make it anywhere, I promise. And you get to decide what you want to draw. If you want to quit Steve, quit. I promise, choices like that? They just seem big and overwhelming but in the end, it’s not as bad as you imagine it’ll be. It’s gonna be a bit hard but in the end it’ll be worth it. Remember when I quit my job? I thought the world was gonna go under, and now? Now, I earn a very good living, I’m a published author, got a couple of novels on my name now. Everything turned out okay, didn’t it? It will for you, too.” 

“Okay,” Steve says, feeling his voice crack a little bit. He sniffs and looks down to his beercan, trying to judge if he has one sip left or two. To hear Bucky support him like that, speaking all of those words of encouragement feels a little overwhelming in the best possible way. On his own he doesn’t believe that he can manage. But if Bucky says that it’s possible then he’s going to be fine. Everything is going to turn out okay, just because Bucky says so. “I want to go away, too, after I quit, before work again. I need a break. I need to… go away for a little while. 

“So you go away, what’s the budget? Where do you want to go?” Bucky asks easily, all ready to make the plans ahead of Steve. A little as if he’ll make the whole trip reality for Steve so he doesn’t have to think about it. That would be a certain heaven. 

“Will you come with me?” Steve asks, looking at his childhood friend. He both wants and needs to have Bucky beside him for this. He wants to have someone to lean on. Someone to make sure that he gets out of bed rather than just lay in it all day. Even if he suspects that Bucky will just encourage him to take it easy and lay in bed if that’s what he needs to do. He likes that idea, too. 

Bucky seems a little bit surprised at the question. He looks to Steve with a bit of a stunned expression. The sort that only he wears when he hears something completely incredulous. Then the words sink in a little and he nods, just lightly. “Yeah, yeah of course. If you want me to come, then I’ll come along.” Bucky smiles a little, then reaches out to take Steve’s hand and squeezes it. It’s warm and comforting. “Where do you want to go?” 

Steve thinks about what answer to give Bucky and takes a breath. While he does so Bucky takes the moment in action to check up on the sauce again and the meatballs. “Let me think about it?” Steve asks and tilts his head to the side, watching the back of his friend. Fit and healthy, with a couple of tattoos adorning his underarms and one of his elbows. He looks good, he radiates exactly how he feels and Steve wishes it could infect him. Maybe it will if they’re going to go on a trip together. 

“Yeah sure, there’s no rush,” Bucky says and wipes his hand on his jeans then turns around, he’s smiling widely. “It’ll be fun, just you and me on a trip. When was the last time we even went anywhere like this together? Jesus, must have been college, right?”

“Something like that,” Steve tries to remember when the last time was, but he can’t even think beyond the past week. Hell, he can’t even remember when the last time was that he had fun. What a life.

“Well, you think about it alright? I’m just glad to go somewhere, it’ll be fun,” Bucky smirks to Steve, stretching out his leg and nudging Steve’s naked foot with his own. He’s wearing socks, Steve notices, black ones with little watermelons on them. 

“Hey Buck?” Steve asks and looks up from the little watermelons and Bucky's blue eyes instead. His friend nods a little, his hair bouncing as he does. “Can I have a hug?” he asks somewhat pathetically. Bucky doesn’t question it, he closes in the distance between them, bends down and hugs Steve. Steve holds onto him for dear life. 

\--

“Disney,” Steve mutters just as O’Malley makes the pink flower petals fall down on Duchess. They put on _ The Aristocats _ when they had settled in the couch to just stare at the tv. Bucky had brought along his pajamas and offered to stay the night which Steve had appreciated deeply. And for a short moment he had forgotten about his miser when he had seen Bucky’s pajama pants, grey with a yellow warning sign over his crotch and laughed. 

“Huh?” Bucky asks, popping his head up a bit from under the blanket and looks at Steve with a sleepy expression. Steve smiles a little and then looks back to the animated cats on his television. 

“I said, Disney. I want to go back to Disney. Happiest place on earth, right? Maybe that’s where I should go back to,” Steve says and tilts his head a little bit to the side. “I wanna stay at the Art of Animation hotel, and I want to go back to Disney.”

Bucky blinks a couple more times, sleepily so and stares at the cats on the television. Then he seems to realise what Steve was saying and nods, perking up a little bit. “Yeah, yeah we can do Disney.” Bucky falls quiet for a short second. “We can stop by Daytona, say hi to Mom and Dad, leave bunch of stuff there, then head and stay at Art of Animation, wander around for a bit. Sounds solid.” 

“And I want to drive,” Steve adds and looks back to Bucky. He feels a little bit more awake now. The excitement of going to Disney is perhaps already working that little bit of Disney magic on him. If they hop on a plane, he'll just be too tired to fully enjoy Disney. If they drive he has more time to sleep in the car. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than walking around exhausted in the park. 

“Sure, we can take my car, more space for all the Disney souvenirs for when we head back. You can buy a giant Stitch plush or something. Hell, we can get a kiddy seat for it on the drive back, I’m sure Becca has one that we can use now. Jimmy is big enough not to need it now,” Bucky grins a little at the idea. Steve finds himself smiling as he watches Bucky’s profile. 

“Shouldn’t take us more than fifteen hours, right? That’s like what, two days of driving?” Steve guesses, it had taken about that the last time they drove down. Which… thinking about it, must have been the last time they both went on a trip together as well. He can’t remember them having gone on another trip after their last Disney trip. 

“Now you’re hurrying again, Steve,” Bucky shrugs, the corner of his mouth twitches up a little. “We’ll drive down, and if we see something along the road, we’ll stop. Do some sight seeing, eat some food. Sleep in a corny motel or something. Oh! You know what I always wanted to do?” Bucky snaps with his fingers and points them to Steve before turning his head. “I want to see those caves in Virginia. And can we go to NASA too when we’re in Florida?”

“Sure,” Steve says and smiles fondly to him. “Sure, why not?” 

“Excellent,” Bucky beams at him and looks back to the movie, “It’s settled then! We take our time going down there, if it’s a two week drive then it’s a two week drive, we’re taking our time and it’s going to be fucking great because I’ve spoken it into existence,” Bucky declares with that same smile. 

“Can we go to the Philadelphia Museum of Art?” Steve asks on a soft voice, still a little bit unsure about adding destinations he wants to see. Bucky nods and makes no big deal about it. 

“We are gonna make a list. Tomorrow, you’ll quit your job, and we’re leaving as soon as you don’t have to turn up anymore. And! I want to make another rule for you,” Bucky looks back to Steve again, reaching for his drink. 

“What’s that?” Steve asks curiously. He rather likes Bucky’s rules. It makes it seem like Bucky is in control about it all, still giving Steve some guidelines to follow despite the fact that he’s free to do whatever he wants during the trip. Freedom on a leash, excellent to learn how to walk again. 

“When you pack, I just want you to pack your clothes, essentials like a toothbrush and charger for your phone and all that. And just that. Nothing else, no books, no laptops, nada. If you want something on the trip, you buy it. Learn to treat yourself again. Okay? I mean this nicely. Let go of all your musts here and just do what you want. Get whatever you want. Alright?” 

“Like a giant Stitch plush?” Steve smirks a little. Bucky breaks out laughing and nods. 

“Yeah, like a giant Stitch plush.” Bucky says in between his fit of laughter. “Man. You know what I’m gonna get? I’m gonna get another one of those turkey leg car air fresheners for Doris, see if I can make her throw up again with it.” Bucky grins at the memory, and so does Steve. Doris hadn’t been prepared when she had opened the bag and gagged. As had Steve and Bucky done the first time they encountered them. 

“Okay. Yeah, I can do that,” Steve says even if he doesn’t feel too confident of that fact just now. That’s a problem for another day however. Steve’s going to take many notes out of Bucky’s book and hope that he learns to live a little again. “It’s going to be fun. I’m looking forward to it.” 

“You’re damn right it’s gonna be fun. Gonna be the trip of a lifetime Steve, mark my words, you’ll feel so much better at the end of it all. What comes after comes after,” Bucky promises with a little wink. At that moment, Steve has nothing else but complete and utter faith for Bucky Barnes, who could pull him through the flames of hell and Steve would come out on the other end completely unscathed. “Man, I can’t wait to ride Space Mountain again.”


	2. Chapter 2

The following Monday Steve did just as he had promised Bucky and himself. He turned in his letter of resignation and gave his two week notice. It felt just as terrible as it had felt good. There had been the initial worry, and a voice in the back of his head that told him this was a bad idea. He didn’t have a back up plan, and his savings wouldn’t last forever in Brooklyn. Sure as hell not if he was going to drive down to Disney World and then spend a few days there. 

The happiest place on earth cost a small fortune to visit. 

But there had also been good things that had come with the decision. The closer his final day of work was, Steve started to increasingly care less about the disaster that was his workplace. He wasn’t offered other projects, because he wouldn’t be able to finish them. His work load lessened, and he pure and simple wasn’t as bothered anymore by people leaving their used coffee mugs in the sink rather than the dishwasher.  _ One more week, and it’s not my problem, _ he kept thinking.  _ Six more days, and it’s not my problem. _

Another good thing was that Bucky came over and helped Steve with a deep clean of his apartment. That alone had felt like shedding a new skin. He had forgotten what good it did to have his apartment properly clean. Bucky the angel that he was, had spent an additional day with Steve clearing out all his stuff. Throwing out a bunch of old books, movies, and clothes. Everything that Steve hadn’t touched for over a year went into the trash. It was incredible how much stuff people gathered in their lifetime. It left him with things that Steve truly wanted to keep. He kept the handful of things that gave him true happiness. 

And with that, it had been surprisingly easy for Steve to pack the bare minimum for their trip. He kept himself to Bucky’s rules and just stuffed his bag half full with clothes. A couple of clean boxers and socks, a pair of jeans, a couple of t-shirts, his toothbrush and toothpaste, headphones, a bottle of water and some pain killers should he get a headache. He’s leaving with the clothes on his back and nothing else. 

He trusts that Bucky would pull over the moment they felt like it, and most likely would call it a day when they reached Philadelphia and went to the art museum there as per Steve’s wishes. He tried to slow down, desperately so. But it turns out it’s harder than he ever thought. His mind keeps coursing more miles than they’re going to travel. 

Steve takes out his phone again and scrolls a bit as he waits by the sidewalk. It can’t hurt to stay the entire day in his sweats, right? They’re comfortable. 

Steve waits for another five minutes before Bucky’s truck pulls up against the sidewalk. Steve pockets his phone and gets into the passenger seat, then tosses his bag to the back. “Why the fuck do you drive this giant ass car in the city, man?” Steve asks and buckles his seatbelt as Bucky takes off again. Bucky looks bright and happy, he shines a little bit like the sun. Steve notices that he’s also chosen to wear sweats for the drive. 

“Can you see me in a Prius?” Bucky snorts. “Besides, this is Dad’s old baby, I can’t just give her up. He’d never forgive me.” Bucky gives Steve an amused look for a second and then looks back to the road. Steve chuckles a little and looks ahead of them, getting comfortable in the seat and leaning it back a little. He still feels exhausted, but it’s a little bit better now. 

“I’m just saying, it’s not that environmentally friendly that’s all,” Steve teases a little with a small smile. He glances back to Bucky who just has an innocent little smile as he drives through the city and out. Steve doesn’t talk much while he does, letting Bucky focus on the traffic. 

It takes them an hour to drive out of Brooklyn in the morning traffic, but Steve finds the ride oddly soothing. There’s plenty to look at, new shops that he somehow missed existed. He asks Bucky about them -- he apparently still knows everything about the neighborhood. Who moved away and to where, who opened what and who closed what. Steve isn’t that surprised, Bucky always knew his way around people and chatted with everyone that he came across. He might be the one and only person on this green earth who actually considers his 683 Facebook friends as true friends and knows every single one of them. 

It sounds absolutely exhausting, but Steve can’t help to be a little bit jealous. 

When they finally hit the highway, Steve closes his eyes and tries to take a nap. He can take naps now, he tries to tell himself. 

Just before he drifts off, he hears how Bucky turns down the radio and plunges the car into what is mostly silence and the steady thrum of the engine. 

—

“Hey Steve, wake up.” Bucky shakes Steve’s shoulder. He wakes with a jolt. Bucky lets out a snort and it takes Steve a moment to realize where exactly the sound comes from. He blinks and looks over his shoulder where Bucky is standing by the passenger door. His hair is up now, and his eyes are shining bright. 

“Bucky?” Steve asks, confused as he tries to stifle a yawn. He fails - badly - and looks around. He doesn’t recognize where they are at first. They’re in a parking lot, across the street are bland buildings that are so forgettable that he doesn’t even bother remembering them. “Where… where are we? How long have I been sleeping?” Steve asks and rubs his face. The next yawn he doesn’t bother stifling.

“About three hours, I got us a room,” Bucky says with a smirk and shows a key with a big red plastic keychain on it that says seven. “We’re just outside Philadelphia. There was some traffic, which is why it took us so long to get here but. We’re here. Anyway, did you want to see the museum today or tomorrow? Otherwise we could just go up and nap some more. Or maybe grab a bite to eat, in or outside the city?” 

“No no we can --“ Steve drips his hand from his face and looks around before back at Bucky with an expression of disbelief. “Three hours?” He asks. 

Bucky smirks and steps away from the side with a nod. Steve slides out of the car and stretches. He feels every single vertebrae in his back pop as he does. It makes him groan a little. 

“We don’t need to nap. I don’t… need a nap. Unless you want one,” Steve says and glances to Bucky who now opens the backseat door and pulls out his duffle bag. 

“Steve. What I want first and foremost, after throwing our bags in the room, is a bite to eat, because I am starving,” Bucky says, tossing the bag over his shoulder and winking to Steve. Bucky steps away from the door so Steve can grab his own bag. 

Their motel room isn’t all that spectacular. Two beds against the wall, facing a dresser with a tv on top and a door at the back that leads to the bathroom. It’s not bad, but Steve still wouldn’t walk on the carpet barefoot. Bucky goes to the bed on the far side of the room, and tosses his bag on it. 

“So. Food, you feeling anything in particular?” Bucky asks as he opens his bag, and starts to dig around. Steve makes a non-committal noise and drops his bag on his own bed. 

“Whatever, Buck,” Steve says and places his hands on either side of the bag. Bucky slips his thumbs into his sweat pants and tugs them down. “I’m not that hungry, anyway,” Steve murmurs and looks down at his bag, giving Bucky a little bit of privacy. 

“Asian,” Bucky says, as he tosses his sweatpants on the bed and pulls out a pair of dark skinny jeans from his bag. “Noodles. I’m telling you that’s gonna be amazing. And then we’re heading out to the museum. Get you a guide and you can tell me all about the paintings, huh? Give me a lesson in art history or techniques or something?” Bucky says and bounces up a bit as he pulls on his jeans. Twists and turns to Steve. He can’t help, but smile a little at that. 

“I’ll give you a lesson,” Steve promises with a little smile. 

—

Steve hasn’t expected Bucky to be as good a student as he was. He had expected for Bucky to pay attention for maybe the first room, maybe even the second, and then he’d expected for Bucky to trail off. But Bucky’s stayed by his side and listened attentively to what Steve had to say. He even asked questions that made Steve think a little bit. When he was hit with the first proper question, Steve hadn’t really known how to answer. 

Bucky hadn’t laughed at him, he had just given him that same enthusiastic smile and raised his eyebrows a little when Steve considered what to say. 

The museum had been calm. Not a lot of people coming to admire the artwork on a weekday. It had been quiet and none of them ever had to stand right beside some stranger to look at a painting. It had been the exact sort of day that Steve needed. He could just wander around at his pace and look at art without having to create it himself for a change. For the first time in what felt like months, years, Steve could look at a piece of art and take it for what it was, without having to stress about making it himself. 

There was something oddly rejuvenating about sitting on an ottoman in front of a wonderful painting of a pathway through high flowers and the sun shining bright and warm. It felt calm, it was relaxing, and it was exactly what Steve wanted. He didn’t think it could be much better, at least not until Bucky came and sat down beside him.

No talking, no touching, just the solid presence of someone by his side and a wonderful painting. It almost made Steve feel like they were in it and watching it together. 

“This is a nice one,” Bucky says soft and gentle after some time passes. Steve’s not entirely sure how long it’s been since either of them has said a word, maybe just five minutes, maybe an hour. Despite the nap in the car and the relaxing wander around the museum, his head still feels like mush. 

“Yeah, it is” Steve agrees with Bucky, smiling a little. “I think it’s my favourite here today.” Steve looks over atBucky, who keeps his gaze on the painting. His hair has come a little undone from his bun, strands hanging loose. Metal pieces of jewelry adorn his ear shell and Steve suddenly realises he doesn’t know when Bucky put in the staff. “When did you get this?” He asks and reaches out to touch the little bar, it’s bright green with yellow balls on either end. It would have looked tacky and childish on just about anyone except Bucky. 

“Oh that?” Bucky says and reaches for it, his fingers brush by Steve’s as he pulls his hand away. “Bout six months ago, look it’s got a little smiley,” Bucky says and twists his ear for Steve to see and leans in a little. Sure enough the yellow ball on the front has a small black smiley-face painted on it. Steve snorts a little. 

“A smiley, really?” Steve asks with an amused smile and watches as Bucky shrugs. 

“It was on sale, and I felt like it,” Bucky says with an easy air and a smile. “Anyway, I got it like six months ago, something like that I think. I’m not sure. You like it?” 

“I do. It suits you, it’s kind of like the ones you used to have when we were in school,” Steve agrees with a little nod. “I couldn’t remember you getting it, that’s all,” he says with a little sigh, and looks back to the painting. Bucky watches him for a second, contemplating his response. 

“I told you the day I got it,” Bucky tells him, but doesn’t sound upset about it in the least. All the same, Steve still feels that twist of guilt in his stomach, tugging everything inside him right down as he realises that he just downright forgot. He doesn’t have the slightest bit of recollection of Bucky ever telling him. 

“Oh,” Steve murmurs and looks back to the painting. They’re quiet for another couple of seconds before Bucky speaks up again, realising that Steve’s feeling guilty about it all. How Bucky still knows Steve as well as he does is entirely beyond him, when Steve can’t even keep track of Bucky’s life. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Bucky says as he scoots a little bit closer and bumps their shoulders together. “Man, I know you have stuff on your mind, and I mean, I keep getting piercings left and right. So I’m not expecting you to keep track of all of them. So it’s okay. I’m not angry with you or anything.” Bucky shrugs a little and looks back to the painting. 

“Okay.” is all that Steve manages to say while trying hard not to let the guilt overtake him. It’s hard. It annoys him that something so small, and in theory, rather insignificant (because really it can’t have cost Bucky more than $50) didn’t bother to stay in his memory. That he just forgot it, that he just forgot his friend. 

Bucky gives him another look and seemingly chews on the inside of his cheek. Then he stands up from the ottoman and offers Steve his hand. “C’mon,” he says and nods to his left. Steve gives him a confused look. “C’mon, you’re spiralling, lets go have a look at the gift shop. Play a game. We have to find the most ridiculous thing and it has to cost us under ten dollars. You on?” he suggests with a flash of his teeth. 

Steve sighs, but gives Bucky a nod, reaches for his hand and allows himself to be pulled up on his feet. Bucky instantly pulls Steve with him, without letting go of his hand and Steve follows, not entirely unlike an overgrown toddler. 

Bucky doesn’t let go of him until they reach the section of the museum that’s the gift shop, he turns to Steve one last time to remind him that the budget is ten dollars, and then goes off to look around. Steve snorts and watches him for a few seconds before he trails of to the kids section. 

It’s mostly color pencils and some coloring books. A couple of blocks with letters and images on them. The standard learning gifts that every museum encourages. A couple of plushies of famous painters, a couple of picture books. Long story short, Steve finds nothing amongst the kid section, so he moves on. He glances at Bucky as he steps over to what must be the section for middle schoolers and doesn’t want to admit that he feels a competitive streak coming up. Bucky is standing by a rack absorbed by stickers. 

Steve continues to look. He finds a couple of magnets with some of the more erotic paintings printed on them, but Steve puts them back. He flips through some more books, but struggles to find anything. A pop up book amuses him for a little while, and a whiskey bottle in the shape of a globe catches his attention. But as far as ridiculous gifts, he can’t find much. It’s a little disappointing, but as soon as he starts wandering by the aisle of books he takes it easy for a bit. 

He forgets about their stupid little competition, and he starts to read through the books. Biographies and art books and studies of all that they spent all afternoon wandering around in. The most gorgeous notebooks -- Steve wants them all but instinctively knows that he would never dare to sketch anything in them. 

Pencils that he’s used too much during work, for his own hobby, but yet now feel completely new in his hand. He twirls one in between his fingers, while he strokes down the paperblank sketchbooks with his other hand. He’s stunned at the imagery of mermaids and fish, of old maps and boats. He wants them all while at the same time he wants none. 

Steve is so absorbed by it that he doesn’t even realize that Bucky sneaks up beside him. “This is my contribution to the contest,” he says with a smirk, sticking his tongue out a little past his teeth and holds up a little box. Steve glances over to it and snorts. 

“Butts Embroidery Starter Kit?” Steve asks as he gives Bucky a judging look, but he’s by far too amused by his little find. “It’s eleven ninety-nine Buck, it doesn’t count,” Steve taps the little price tag at the corner of the package. 

“Ah see, I thought we could make exceptions for this. Considering it’s butt embroidery, it’s funny, it made you laugh a little. It comes with twenty different motifs and enough stuff for three different completed embroideries. Look at this one,” Bucky flips the box in his hand and points at one of the images. Steve doesn’t look at it however, he goes back to the paperblank sketchbooks. He finds one based of Monet’s Water Lilies and picks it up. Bucky lets out a low whistle. “That’s pretty.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Steve says with a little smile and flips it open. He’s pleased to see that the pages are blanks and not lined. “You know that painting we sat in front of? Path on the island?” Steve glances to Bucky who just gives him a confused look for response. “You know, the one where we sat together? With the flowers and stuff where we talked about your piercing? It’s called The Path on the Island of Saint Martin, a mouthful I know. Anyway, that painting was painted by a french guy named Monet? Painted impressionism?” 

“Oh yeah! I know that guy! Well, I know his name,” Bucky says, with a shrug. 

“That guy, also painted a different painting with water lilies, very famous, they don’t have it here. And this sketch book is based of that artwork.” Steve tells him as he shuts the sketchbook again. He presses his thumb into the soft cover. Bucky hums a little. 

“Buy it,” he says simply, and takes a notebook of his own. “I like this one,” he declares and holds up a black notebook with old roman bookbinding decoration on it. Steve snorts. 

“These cost like thirty bucks each, they’re pretty, but they cost about as pretty as they are. Don’t take me wrong, but that’s a lot of money for a sketchbook that I’m never going to fill,” Steve says begrudgingly, and puts it back on the shelves. Bucky frowns a little and flips his to check the price. His expression doesn’t change when he sees that the one he picked costs $32 and some additional cents. He puts it on top of the butt embroidery box and looks through the others. From behind a deep purple one, he pulls another dark blue sketchbook out with the same water lilies and fine gold text on the cover, and holds it up for Steve. 

“There, proof that the one you held in your hands isn’t the only one of its kind, and you can draw in it if you want. Buy it, draw in it, do whatever you want. Just don’t leave them around collecting dust. Pretty notebooks like that aren’t meant to waste away.” Bucky catches his eyes and sees that he still hesitates. “Steve. Don’t wait until you figure out the perfect thing to draw in it. You’ll wind up waiting forever. Just draw in it, you’ll never know what the perfect thing is until you’ve drawn it. And man, get some more pens, an eraser and a sharpener, god knows that regular Walmart stuff won't do.” 

Steve chuckles a little, nodding his head in agreement. “Alright, I’m convinced,” He says and picks up the dark blue, Lilies by Monet sketchbook. It feels a bit heavy in his hands. But he feels lighter about it now that he’s convinced. Bucky is right, how else is he supposed to know what the perfect thing is if he never puts anything in it?

“That’s my boy!” Bucky says with a wide grin, smacks Steve in the middle of his back and reaches down to grab a handful of pencils and smacks them on top. It makes Steve laugh a little as he picks the pencils back up. 

“I can’t use these,” he says and puts them right back where Bucky grabbed them from. Bucky frowns and before he opens his mouth to protest Steve cuts him off. “They’re not the kind I draw with, those are way way too heavy, I prefer…” Steve trails off as he starts looking through the other options. Bucky shuts his mouth and waits for Steve to pick out a pencil. In the end he finds it and raises it for Bucky to see. It looks identical to the ones that Bucky picked, the only difference is the numbers on top. 

Bucky doesn’t look like he understands him, but he shrugs as if to say  _ okay _ and accepts Steve’s explanation. Steve picks out an additional couple of pencils, a sharpener and a proper eraser. He places them all on top of the sketchbook and gives Bucky a small smile, feeling a little bit excited at the idea to fill it up with… well, something. He’s not going to think much about it. 

“You’re missing something, hold on, stay right here,” Bucky says and raises his finger to him, then he disappears off to a different aisle. Steve remains standing obediently with his goodies pressed against his chest, brushing his fingertips over the soft indentations on the book. 

Bucky scans the aisles that he races down, his brows are furrowed and he’s got a focused look on his face. He dips down and disappears a little when he kneels down, but pops right back up a couple of seconds later with a little smile. Steve can’t exactly see what Bucky picked but the curiosity starts to build. He takes a detour again to the sticker rack and spins it around, picking some off and then comes back to Steve. 

“Now, these are on me, alright? Consider them a present,” Bucky says before showing them to him, hiding everything behind his own little notebook. It makes him wonder if Bucky will fill his with something, or if he’ll leave it empty. By the talk of it he figures that something will go down in it. Steve can tell from the sticker on the back that Bucky’s notebook is lined. 

“No, Bucky, no, you don’t have to do this,” Steve argues. Yet he feels something soft break inside of him, in a good way. He’s curious at what Bucky’s picked out, and he wants to know what it is. He wants a present, even if not all of him thinks that he deserves it. 

“These are gifts, Steve, consider them a late extra birthday present or consider them early Christmas, your pick, but I’m getting you these,” Bucky says and keeps Steve’s gaze to see if he’ll fight him. When he sees that he doesn’t, he smiles and shows Steve the presents. 

Laying on the black and gold of Bucky’s book, are at least three sticker packets. Steve can’t make out what’s on them, on the one on top is just some small round stickers that all have a happy and fruity look to it. On top of that is a pencil case made of fabric, dark green with bright green cacti on it. Bucky smiles and picks it up, flipping it around a little. “You’re gonna need something to put those pens in, aren’t you?” 

Steve’s a little bit stunned that Bucky thought that far ahead. The man with no artistic bone in his body whatsoever remembered that he’d need a pencil case. The whole idea touches him in a way that he wasn’t even sure it could. All of a sudden he feels like he could cry. Bucky, being an angel, spots this and steers it right again before he bursts out in tears right then and there in the shop. 

“Come on, let’s pay for all this, hmm? And get out of here, I think they’re closing, you got any idea on where you want to go next?” Bucky asks Steve, as he begins to walk to the counter. Steve sniffs and shakes his head. He wipes at his eyes and composes himself a little. 

“Yeah, let’s pay,” he agrees, chewing a little on his lip and follows Bucky to the counter. “And no, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do next.” He feels tired again, like he could do with another nap. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to go back to the motel and spend the rest of the evening in bed. Bucky might find it boring. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure something out,” Bucky says before greeting the teenage girl at the counter with a bright smile. Steve nods a little, mostly to himself and looks to the water lilies on the book. The same water lilies that he loved so much since he first saw the painting as a child. For the first time since sitting down in the elevator it truly does feel like they’ll figure it out. He’ll be alright, somehow. 

He’s not alone, after all. He does have Bucky, through everything. He’s convinced of that now. Steve looks up at Bucky again and tilts his head as he watches Bucky’s side profile. The bright green and yellow piercing. The hair that he’s done up through something and white teeth as he laughs at something the girl said. The easy air about him. Bucky’s by his side, what else does he need in life really? With Bucky he could take on the entire world. 

“Hey,” Bucky says once he pays for his stuff and steps aside so Steve can pay for his. Steve hums and hands over his goods to the young girl. She gives him a shy smile for some reason, but he doesn’t think about it. “You know what we  _ could _ do?” Bucky leans in a little, suddenly speaking at a whisper. Steve leans in a little while the girl scans his stuff, making sure that she doesn’t miss anything. 

“What’s that?” Steve asks and glances to Bucky quickly, who’s already grinning in a little naughty way that tells Steve whatever he’s thinking, it’s something they shouldn’t be doing. 

Bucky leans in and whispers into Steve’s ear, “We should get high.” 

\--

In a city they’ve never been to before, it takes Bucky less than a minute to find someone who would sell them pot. All through an app now, he says as he shows Steve. Steve thinks that it’s a little bit risky that people buy weed through an app nowadays, but Bucky goes ahead and does it anyway. 

In the end it turns out that he worried for nothing. Bucky returns back to their car with a small plastic bag, containing two ready rolled joints for the pair of them and drives them back to the motel. The first thing Steve does when back in their room, is open up his new sketchbook, grabs his ticket from the museum and sticks it onto the first page with the help of four round stickers that Bucky gifted him. An adorable tiger head, a tennis ball, a donut and a sun with sunglasses on. 

Somehow that breaks the magic a little. There is something in the sketchbook now, he if he adds something else it won’t really matter what. He’s pretty pleased with himself and shuts the book. Then, they go down to smoke the joints hidden away behind their motel. Steve feels like they’re commiting a crime, and Bucky just laughs everything off with that happy smile of his. When they get back up into their room, Steve’s feeling happy and relaxed, almost a little bit like melting butter. He flops down on the bed while Bucky drops their bag of snacks from the vending machine on the bed and uses another one of his apps to order a pizza to their room. 

Half of the evening they sit on the bed eating pizza and snacks, while watching Comedy Central. It really isn’t  _ that _ funny, but the pot made it hilarious. Steve feels pretty damn good when midnight hits, melting against Bucky as he falls asleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

Since leaving New York, they’re halfway through their trip. They pulled over in some small town in North Carolina by the ocean just because Bucky thought that it looked pretty. Steve had agreed. Mostly because he was hungry and wanted to eat his sandwiches without being in a moving vehicle. 

It was cold for September, and Steve wanted to take of his shoes and socks so he could feel the sand in between his toes but decided against it when he felt the cold draft of the wind when he sat down. So he sat down, pulled his hoodie tighter around him and ate his sandwich. Bucky wolfed down his before getting back up and started gathering rocks, dropping them all in a pile. 

Steve didn’t question what Bucky was up to, instead he pulled out his sketchbook and pencil case from his backpack and flipped it open. It had only been a week and he hadn’t had  _ that _ much time to sit down and draw in it. He had tried once in the car but found that his sketch of a flower he had seen in the botanical garden got ruined when the car made an unexpectant bump because of the road. He hadn’t been upset about it, but disappointed, and left the drawing where it was. Still though, Steve had managed to fill about ten pages of the hundred and forty-four. 

Small little doodles, quick and funny ones and a couple where he had spent a decent amount of time working on. He had taped a few more tickets them them. Three pictures of Bucky and him from when Bucky had dragged Steve into that photobooth when they had stopped by a mall when they needed to buy socks. He had bought some more stickers and stuck them in too. There was no clear line yet for what to do with the sketchbook which had become more of a journal by now, but Steve figured that he could use it as a very fancy scrapbook. 

He added a few more lines into the one page drawing that he was working on and added a seagull to the sky. He was trying to draw the view in front of him, he would have loved to draw Bucky in it, but seeing the man was just wandering around instead of being still Steve had left him out. He had however taken extra precaution to make sure that the pile of rocks was left in it. 

“Hey Steve,” Bucky says, leans down and grabs one of the rocks from his pile. Steve only happens to see this because he’s looking up until that moment. Steve hums and looks up, holding his pen just barely above the paper. “What did you want to be when you grew up?” Bucky asks curiously and tosses the rock into the ocean. He watches it curve in the sky and then flop down into the water with sound that almost sounds hungry as the water swallows it. 

Steve snorts a little at the memory. “Van Gogh, minus the whole, drinking paint thing and cutting my ear off,” Steve brushes the tip off his pen around the shell of his ear even if Bucky doesn’t notice. Bucky laughs and picks up another rock. Steve watches him throw that one as well and realises… he doesn’t know what Bucky wanted to be when he grew up. “What about you?”

“Me?” Bucky spins around for a short second. “Oh me I wanted to be an actor, star in movies and stuff. Particularly like, kids movies with dogs in them. Always saw myself as that slightly tough son in those movies who usually loses the dog because of circumstances out of his control and gets the dog back in the end. Or something funny like Beethoven.” 

“I remember you bawling your eyes out at Beethoven,” Steve says with a smirk and goes back to drawing, trying to add more life to the water. 

“Hey now, the dad gave Beethoven away without believing his children and did not seem to love that dog at all, that movie was terrible and made me feel so sad. He didn’t do anything wrong! Beethoven was a good dog who was set up,” Bucky huffs in such a way that it almost seems as if he’s still personally offended with how the movie went down. Figures, Bucky could still cry to any movie that has a dog in it . It would have been funny if it wasn’t for the fact that Bucky was legit bawling from the depths of his chest and heart. When they had seen Marley and Me years ago Bucky had been crying for the last forty-five minutes of the movie to two hours after the movie was finished. 

“It was pretty sad when you think of it that way,”

“Pretty sad? Steve it’s freaking devastating,” Bucky huffs and another rock gets swallowed by the ocean. 

“You know, after we saw that movie I tried to convince mom into letting me have one of those. I was convinced that I would become more cool and respected if I had a dog like that. You know like the kid with glasses in that film?” Steve asks and looks up just in time to see Bucky laugh. “Mom said no, she said that those dogs eat more than a teenage boy and I was about to become one so she didn’t need to feed two of those mouths,” Steve shrugs a little. He sees the logic with it now, but at the time he hadn’t understood the problem. Dog food was expensive and a St Bernard was a huge dog that needed a lot of food and was expensive in regards to vet bills too. 

All Steve had wanted to do back then was bury his face in huge amounts of fur and have a second best friend. That wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?

“I begged and begged mom for one, remember?” Bucky asks and turns to look at Steve while he picks up three more rocks, half juggling, half just throwing the rocks in between his hands. 

“I remember, Becca’s allergies right?” Steve recalls when Bucky had sulked out of the ordinary one day and told Steve they had gone to the pound to pick up a dog. They had to leave without one because his little sister started getting rashes all over her hands and arms and difficulty breathing. It had been quite a serious reaction, they had to go to the hospital and everything. But in the eyes of a seven year old boy his little sister just ruined everything and was the reason why they didn’t have a dog. 

“She lives with her boyfriend now, they have three dogs together.  _ Three _ , she’s still allergic, takes pills for it now but.” Bucky rolls his shoulder and throws another rock, this one is harder, less finesse and no beautiful curve to it. This one is a throw that’s more of annoyance. The same annoyance of a seven year old boy who's angry at his sister, but tainted with jealousy now. 

“That blows.” Is all that Steve can come up with and closes his sketchbook. He’s done with drawing for now. He can try and add in a Bucky later back in their hotel or motel room for the night and just use his own creativity to conjure up the image. As per fucking course, Bucky now stands still in the sand and tosses up a rock before catching it a couple of times. Steve doesn’t need to see the furrow in Bucky’s brow to know that he’s thinking. He doesn’t pry, because sure enough Bucky turns and begins to share his suggestion. 

“You wanna get a dog?” Bucky asks so matter of fact that it’s almost a little bit humoristic. Steve raises his eyebrows and puts all of his stuff back in his backpack. 

“Excuse you?” He asks and twists the cap of the water bottle. Bucky twists one last time to toss the stone in the water and then goes over to Steve to sit down beside him. The remains of his pile of stones forgotten in the sand now. 

“You wanna get a dog? You always wanted a dog, I always wanted a dog. I couldn’t have a dog on my own because sure, I’m home a lot but I get busy too, so it wouldn't be fair. You always wanted a dog, but couldn't because of the same reason. Now you’re unemployed. We don’t live that far away from one another. Want to get a dog together? Like a shared custody agreement?” Bucky asks. He’s buzzing with excitement at the idea of sharing a dog. Steve thinks about it a little.

A companion would be nice, he’s not looking forward to the idea of being alone in his apartment when they get back to New York, it would be nice to know that he has a dog a couple of days in the week. And when he gets a job, he can match his schedule up with Bucky’s… yeah, they could make that work. 

“I get Christmases and Halloween,” He says with a grin to Bucky, who breaks out laughing. “We share adoption day and the dogs birthday. I get the dog for my birthday, just as you get it on yours. Easter and New Years are yours.” He says with a smirk, only half serious. Bucky laughs. 

“Yeah no alternating Halloweens, I want to dress the dog up too, and in regards for New Years… We’ll determine that when we compare plans, cause fireworks and stuff.” Bucky counters, Steve considers this.

“Yeah alright, I can live with that,” Steve says with a nod, already dreaming of his shared dog with Bucky. A little fuzzy companion to be by his side through everything and give him a reason as well to tear up during movies where a dog gets reunited with his owner. 

“Alright then!” Bucky claps his hands together and then reaches into his pocket. He pulls out his phone and goes straight to maps. 

“What are you doing?” Steve asks curiously. They’ve already planned out the their route. They’re going to keep following route 17 down into South Carolina. Bucky starts typing something in.   


“I’m looking for shelters,” 

\--

Bucky finds a kill shelter. Because of course Bucky finds a kill shelter with all his noble intentions on giving a dog a chance of life rather than to be put down because a family didn’t want them. Or a person. Or an asshole. Most likely an asshole, Steve thinks as they pull up into the parking lot of the nearest kill shelter that Bucky finds. 

He hadn’t realized that when Bucky said  _ let’s get a dog _ that Bucky really had meant  _ let’s get a dog right now _ . Yet… Steve didn’t argue. He was getting better at the whole go with the flow, do whatever he wants the moment he wants it thing. The nerves had let go a little on that regard. Sure he still felt a little anxious whenever he was buying something for himself but he wasn’t getting a dog for himself. They were getting a dog together. 

And that would work out. They had been friends for twenty-five years and more, there was no risk they were going to wind up on seperate paths and the dog would be given up. Hell, Steve knew that both of them would bend over backwards until their spine broke to make sure that the dog would be fine, without even having settled on which dog they’d get. 

Bucky was brimming with excitement. got out of the car and slammed the door shut. Steve climbed out himself and went up to the shelter. “Paws and claws?” He asks as he sees the bright pink lettering painted on the concrete wall. The lettering almost makes him think of bubblegum. 

“Don’t judge they need a name,” Bucky locks the car and bounces up right to Steve’s side. “We’ll tell them we live together yeah? We can use my address and all. I don't’ think they’ll understand the whole shared custody thing.” 

“You’re asking me to lie?” Steve gives him an amused look. Bucky shrugs a little and suddenly looks as innocent as if he’d be an angel. He winks to Steve and then goes to enter Paws and claws. Steve rolls his eyes and follows him indoors. 

The inside of the shelter looks a little like what Steve imagines a vet office looks like. Everything is just metal and sterile. There’s shelves along a wall with bags of dog and cat food, big and small of all types, and a rack with some collars, leads, a couple of toys. In the corner is a couple of dog beds piled upon one another and two cat carriers. There are oddly enough, no sounds or hints of animals in the building. Not a single whine, meow of a cat or a bark. 

“Good afternoon,” A round woman with red cheeks (which Steve isn’t entirely sure is make up or just a permanent red tinge) greets them. 

“Good afternoon,” Bucky leans in over the counter and folds his arms together. Steve bites just a little on his lower lip and watches Bucky’s back. His eyes drip down over Bucky’s body and stays at his ass for just one split second before he realises what he’s looking at. Bucky’s ass in sweats is… something. 

“My roommate here and I, we were thinking of adding another furry four legged member to our family? We’d like to get a dog, do you have any in the shelter right now that need to be rehomed?” Bucky lays out a smooth bricked path for the woman to follow. She gives him a look which is a bit of a cross between  _ oh sweetheart _ and  _ are you for real,  _ but it quickly changes into  _ oh sweetheart  _ fully. 

“We’re at max capacity at the moment when it comes to dogs, but first I’d have to ask some questions to make sure you two are eligible to take one of our dogs home if that is alright, the adoption fee for puppies is $450, and half that for a dog that is older than a year.” The woman grabs a form from under her counter and slides it over to Bucky. Bucky looks over his shoulder to Steve who joins him. 

“Sounds good with me,” Steve says and gives the form a look. Bucky turns on the charms and looks back to the woman. 

“Ask us whatever you need to know,” 

\--

They’re let into the back of the shelter less than twenty minutes later when Kathy is satisfied with their answers and the form has been filled out. She opens a door and lets them into the back of the shelter. An explosion of sounds hits them all at once. 

All the sounds that were missing earlier, all the barking and the whining is now everywhere and it’s almost overwhelming. Steve looks around a little and spots large cages on either side of them. It’s filled with dogs of all kinds and colours. A bunch of small ones that share but seem to get along, bigger dogs that have cages all on their own all run up to see who came to visit and joins in with the crazy of the others. Bucky wanders in and Steve shuffles after, instantly feeling a regret at the thought that they’re just there to pick one dog. One lucky dog gets to come home with them and the others will have to stay behind. 

“Jesus this is terrible,” Steve says and tries to keep his voice from trembling a little. How he’s going to be able to sleep that evening he doesn’t know. Bucky looks torn too, but he seems to be better at covering it up. 

“We’re helping Steve, just think of that, we’re helping,” Bucky says on a soft voice, his hand finds Steve’s and he squeezes it once before letting go. “We can’t save the world, but we can do our part with it. So… let’s have a look around yeah?” He tries with a smile. Steve nods a little hesitant. Kathy follows them a couple of paces around. 

“Feel free to ask any questions, and should you want to take one of them out in the yard to get to know them and their energies, just let me know and we’ll make that happen,” Kathy’s voice is friendlier, much warmer now that they’ve passed the test. 

“Thanks, we appreciate it,” Bucky says without even looking at Kathy and trails off in between the cages, looking at all the occupants. Steve does the same and tries to keep Bucky’s words close to his chest. They can’t save all of them, but at least one of them will get a new home, which is more dogs with a happy ending than this morning when they had rolled out of their bed. 

Steve can’t help but chew a little bit on his nails, a habit he thought he finally had grown out of. Yet here he was, biting away on them anyhow. Most of the dogs stay by the doors of the cages and bark at him as they pass by, wagging their tails. There’s just a handful of them that stay in their beds on the other ends of the cages and just glare. Steve only glances at the laminated placards that hang on the doors giving details on its occupants. Names, sexes, estimated ages and some other details. Such as they must be adopted with a friend, or must be adopted into a child free home. 

There’s a wave of information that he’s not entirely sure on how to handle and it feels like his brain is about to turn to mush with all the information he’s learned in such a short span. There’s dogs of every size and breed, and he finds himself feeling a little bit terrible at the idea that he’s suddenly grown  _ picky _ . 

“Steve come over here!” Bucky calls from in another row of cages. So Steve tears his eyes away from the what he assumes to be a poodle mix and heads over to Bucky, who gestures wildly over to the cage that he’s standing in front of. “Beethoven! It’s a freaking sign!” Bucky says with a wide grin and looks to the cage. Steve finally reaches up to him and looks inside. 

Sitting in the cage in front of them, is a St. Bernard wagging its tail. A humongous dog that still manages to look a little lanky. The giant white paws seem to be too big for the body, which… Steve honestly had imagined to be bigger. The face is droopy like he imagined with the black circles around dark eyes before the fur turns into light brown down her sides and back with black patches. 

“Oh my god,” Steve feels himself grin, he glances to the placard on the door and inside the cage, the dog shifts one paw as if it wants to come closer but doesn’t quite dare to yet. Curious but a little hesitant, not scared. 

“I swear it must be a sign right? Look at him!” Bucky gestures to the cage while Steve reads. 

“Her,” Steve corrects and taps the placard. “It’s a she. She’s seven months old,”

“Wow, so she’ll get bigger? She’s still a pup then right?” Bucky asks and looks over to Kathy, who followed them into the second row of cages. Kathy nods and walks up to them. At the sight of the woman the dog, who Steve reads upon further reading of the placard is named Lulu, starts to wag her tail a little bit faster. 

“She’s gonna grow. She won’t be fully grown until she’s about two or three years old. But she’s already a big girl for her age.” Kathy informs them and places her hands on her hips. Steve nods a little and finishes the placard. It doesn’t say much so Steve just assumes that there’s no restrictions that come along with her such as needs to have a dog friend. 

“Why was she given up?” Steve asks curiously. Genuinely wondering. It strikes him as something good to know about the dog that they’re going to adopt, so they at least have some sort of idea what sort of animal they’re bringing home with them. It wouldn’t be ideal to bring back a dog this size that would just tear apart their furniture the moment left alone. Or maybe she’s aggressive… 

Steve decides that can’t be the case, she sure as hell doesn’t give off that air. With some dogs you can look and just know. Lulu strikes him to belong in the  _ friendliest dog on the planet _ category. “Her former owners,” Kathy begins and Steve’s happy that she uses the word  _ owners _ , he’s not sure how he would feel should Kathy mention family. “Was a little uninformed on the breed when they got her. They weren’t fully prepared on how much she would actually grow and would eat. Plus some unexpected medical problems, so they had to figure out ways to save money for medicine. So Lulu came here.” Kathy sighs, as if it isn’t the first time this has happened. Steve pulls a face, he imagines it happens a lot. 

Bucky makes an  _ ahh _ of a sound and looks back to Lulu. 

“She’s not purebred we think, we think that she might be mixed with bernese mountain dog, also dogs. We haven’t done any genetic testing on her but that’s our educated guess here at least. She’s really sweet but a lot dog. Walks like an angel on the lead though. Which is good, considering she could become up to two hundred and fifty pounds in weight.” 

Bucky lets out a whistle and Steve imagines the sound of an arm popping out of its socket when a dog of that weight decides to just go somewhere without listening to the people around it. Kathy gives them a hopeful look. “Would you like to take her out to the yard? Play with her for a little bit to see if she’s a fit for your… family?” 

Bucky and Steve give one another one look and decide without even verbally telling the other. Bucky smirks to Kathy. “We would like to meet Lulu properly, out in the yard.” 

\--

“Who is a good girl?! You are!” Steve says loudly and ruffles all the fur around Lulu’s head. She moves her head along with it and tries to come close to him to get more of the praise and her heavy paws are no doubt leaving scratches on his thighs. It stings a little, but Steve really doesn’t care at that point. Lulu is wonderful and doesn’t drool to badly, although he will have to wash his arms before they leave later on. He hears Bucky laugh somewhere in the distance but can’t make out where he is over all of the fluffy (and so incredibly soft) fur of her. 

“I think she loves you Steve,” Bucky says with amusement as Lulu finally manages to get somewhat on his lap, turns around and sits down, knocking the wind out of him and practically crush his hips. 

“God she’s heavy, throw the ball Buck get her off,” Steve says on a strained voice and tries to shove Lulu off him. She slides into the dirt beside him but doesn’t seem to notice. Bucky does as he’s told and throws the tennis ball that Kathy gave them. Lulu struggles a little to get up, her back legs somewhat tangled with Steve and kicks him a couple of times before she finally gets up and does funny trott over to the ball. Steve takes a big breath and only now notices the dog in another sheltered part of the yard behind them, barking away. The little girl did not seem to be thrilled by it. 

“I like her,” Bucky declares as he watches Lulu catch up with the ball, attempting to stop it with her gigantic paws and picking the ball up. He looks over to Steve with his hands placed on his back. Steve gets up from the ground and brushes off his jeans. His legs feel like they’re trembling. Definitely bruised, but he can live with it. “What about you?” 

“I think she’s an adorable sweetheart who deserves the best,” Steve tells him as Lulu trots back to Bucky with the ball in her mouth, comes up to him and drops it down in front of his feet. She looks up to him and wags her large fluffy tail. When Bucky doesn’t pick the ball up fast enough for her liking she barks at him. A deep, chesty sound that more sounds like a  _ boof _ than anything. It’s not a sharp sound and doesn’t cut in Steve’s ears, as most barks of smaller dogs do. 

Bucky picks up the ball and tosses it again, Lulu twists on the spot and races after the ball. “You wanna get her?” Bucky asks him. Steve senses that there’s something underlying in what Bucky says. Sure enough, as soon as Steve doesn’t answer instantly he adds. “Because if you’re not I’m gonna,” 

“Let’s get her,” Steve agrees, thrilled with the idea of a dog. Thrilled with the idea that Lulu gets to come with them for the remains of their trip, and then back up to New York and gets to stay with them. He’s already imagining rainy sundays where he’s laying on his couch trying to read and Lulu laying on top of him, snoring away. Of her sitting beside him when he’s attempting to cook and begging for food. Of standing on the sidewalk with her in the middle of the night for one last potty break before they go to bed for the day. Of letting her sleep up in the bed beside him so it doesn’t get to lonely and to hug her close, burying his nose in her fur. He feels better already. 

“You wanna come home with us girl? You wanna come join us?” Bucky asks on a childish tone and kneels down. Lulu’s ears peak up a little, she drops the ball where she stands and runs over to Bucky and collides right into him, knocking them both down on the ground and begins to lick his face. Bucky is shrieking with laughter and twists around. Steve giggles a little at the sight, gently takes Lulu by the collar around her neck and pulls her off so Bucky can get up again. “I think that’s a yes,” Bucky says as he wipes his face of dog drool. 

\--

“There you go, these papers are for you two, congratulations on your new family member,” Kathy says with a genuinely happy smile and slides over some papers to the counter. Bucky scans them quickly before folding them up and stuffing them in the back pocket of his jeans. Steve’s sitting on one of the chairs, Lulu in front of him and makes kissing noises to her. Her tail is wagging and she looks around, more mesmerized by the rack of toys than the shelves of dog food. 

“Thank  _ you _ very much,” Bucky grins and takes out his wallet. “We’ll get some essentials too, which bag of food does she need?” Bucky asks her. Kathy comes out from behind the counter and takes Bucky over to the shelves to give him a quick lesson. Steve knows that he should be paying attention too, but he can’t be bothered, not when he has the best distraction there is. 

“You wanna pick a toy?” He asks Lulu, whose tail wags a little bit faster at the tone he uses. Steve doesn’t think that she  _ really _ understands what he’s saying even if it seems like it. “Come on lets pick you a toy,” Steve gets up from the chair and walks Lulu over to the rack. He’s impressed by her skill in walking on a lead, Kathy hadn’t lied. Lulu clearly wants to dash over to the toys, but instead stays right next to Steve walking at a strained pace where she contains herself. When they reach the toys she instantly begins to sniff them all. 

Behind them Kathy shows Bucky what bag of food that she’ll need and they move on to pick her a bed and some bowls. Lulu bites hold of a toy and tries to pull it off the rack, luckily it hangs on loosely and it comes of just fine, rather than tearing the entire rack down. “She picked a toy Buck,” Steve informs Bucky. “We’re going home with a unicorn,” He grins widely and grabs a ball from the rack too. 

“Flashy,” Bucky laughs as he picks a new collar and a new lead, rather than the standard one that the shelter offers. He brings it over to the counter and pays for everything again before Steve can object and say that he’ll pay for this load. They’ll make it up later. “Would you mind taking a picture of us with her outside?” Bucky asks Kathy when he stuffs the receipt in his wallet. 

“Not at all! I’ll help you carry some stuff,” Kathy offers and puts the bowls, ball, collar and new lead in Lulu’s bed. Bucky carries the ridiculously big bag of dog food out to the car and together the two of them load everything in the back of the truck. With Steve and Lulu standing by the side watching them. Lulu keeps tilting her head left and right as she watches them and Steve thinks its just about the most hilarious thing he’s ever seen. 

When the two are finished, Bucky unlocks his phone and hands it over to Kathy before jogging over to them. He is radiant with happiness, it makes him look beautiful, has Bucky always been this beautiful?

“Sit down gorgeous, sit,” Steve says, even if he for a second isn’t sure who he’s really talking to. He places a gentle hand on Lulu’s back. He doesn’t need to do more, Lulu sits down and attempts to lick Bucky’s ear when he kneels down beside her. It makes him squirm a little and Steve snickers, feeling the tips of his ears turn red for a reason that’s beyond him. 

Steve sits down on the other side of Lulu, hand still on her back. Bucky places his arm around Lulu as well, and somehow his hand finds Steve and places it on top of it. In front of them Kathy raises Bucky’s phone. “Say cheese!” She exclaims. Bucky’s hand squeezes Steve’s a little, and in his chest Steve feels his heart skip a beat. He feels an overwhelming amount of love spread all through his body for both Lulu and Bucky beside him. He wishes for the moment to never end.

\--


	4. Chapter 4

Somewhere in Georgia (Steve isn’t entirely sure where they are anymore) they find the most charming little town and decide to pull over for the day. It doesn’t matter much that they’ve only been driving for an hour and thus haven’t really made a whole lot of progress in their trip. It only took him two weeks but now Steve’s finally adapted to the idea of doing whatever he wants. 

He doesn’t feel like he’s about to get an ulcer and - most importantly - his arm hasn’t hurt in about a week. Which is something that he’s grateful for. He likes to think that his stomach cramps disappeared because he didn’t have to eat painkillers anymore. The way he had been eating them just to make it through the day can’t have been good for him. 

It was easier than both of them had suspected to find a place to stay that allowed Lulu. It had been a bit of a struggle at first when they came along with giant dogs. Most motel owners didn’t allow pets and were even less pleased when they found out that the dog was larger than a handbag. In the eyes of many, no matter how adorable Lulu was, she was the size of a small pony. 

The motel of the day however, hadn’t cared in the least. It might have had something to do with the fact that there was a gigantic bloodhound just lounging on a bench in the reception area. The owner was clearly a lover of huge dogs himself and had offered Lulu many treats in the short period it took them to check into a room. 

They had gone in, dumped their bags and just laid on their respective beds for about thirty minutes and enjoying the airco. It was both hot and humid, and Steve felt like he had a second skin that was just clammy with sweat. He took a shower and came back out just in time to see Bucky getting changed into his swimming trunks. 

“I’m gonna take Lulu and lounge by the pool, maybe grab a beer, you wanna come?” Bucky had asked and put his pilot shades on his nose and grabbed a towel. Steve had shaken his head, and told Bucky that he was going to check out the little arts and crafts store they had driven by. He wanted to buy some colouring pencils for his sketchbook, and had gotten changed into shorts and a top to do just that. 

Forty-five minutes later Steve walked back onto the motel grounds, plastic bag around his wrist and feeling in a desperate need for a shower as the sun was shining down mercilessly on his shoulders and no doubt giving him a sunburn that he didn’t need. His flip flops made clacking noises as he set direction for their room, picked up the sketchbook and the cacti pencil case and set out to find Bucky. 

Sure enough, he found him lounging by the pool in one of the lawn chairs. His hair was wet and streaked, but had dried just enough to stand up a little bit everywhere. His trunks were soaked and stuck to Bucky’s skin, shaping out all of him as if he was nude. Steve felt his ears burn and looked away, wanting to give Bucky a little bit of privacy and instead watched the drink that his friend was holding on his stomach. 

It wasn’t a beer, like Bucky had said that he would grab. But a freaking coconut with umbrellas in it, straws and a slice of pineapple sticking out. Steve snorted at the tacky, eighties look of the cocktail and sat down in the lawn chair beside him. Lulu was wandering around in the kiddie pool, trying to catch her rubber ball that was being very evasive in the water and the waves that she caused.

“She allowed in there?” Steve asks and opens his sketchbook, flipping through the several pages until he finds an empty page. He’s pleased with himself that he’s already filled about twenty pages with sketches, tickets and more stickers. 

“I asked the owner, he said it was fine,” Bucky says and raises the drink, putting the straw between his lips and sucks. Steve watches the sight for a moment, a little mesmerized by the tiny little droplets of either water or sweat drying on Bucky’s skin. When the hell did he get so freaking bronze during their trip? When the hell did Bucky start looking like that? Steve feels something flip in his stomach and looks down. 

“Can I draw you?” Steve asks and opens up his pencil case. Bucky tilts his head to Steve and he can barely make out how one of his eyebrows is being raised behind the large pilot shades. It’s adorable that most of Bucky is bronze, but his nose has a little bit of a red streak over it. “You’re just… an image right now. I want to draw you, if that’s okay with you?” He asks again, a little bit more hesitant now. A smile creeps up on Bucky’s face, and he looks straight ahead of himself again. Steve imagines that he closes his eyes and just enjoys the burn of the sun on his skin. 

“Go ahead. Capture my good side,” 

“That’s what they say to photographers,” Steve snorts a little, but begins adding some rough lines on the paper. For a moment all they can hear is the sound of Lulu splashing in the water. Their entire room is going to smell like wet dog in the evening. He’s oddly enough looking forward to it. He’s looking forward to a whole lot of firsts with Lulu, the bad ones just as much as the good ones. 

“I kind of wish this moment would last forever,” Bucky whispers on a low tone. Steve barely catches it at first and he looks up to him. Almost as if he expects him to say something more. Bucky doesn’t. Yet he agrees. He takes a breath and looks over to their dog. 

“Me too,” Steve says, although he’s not entirely sure they’re thinking of the same things. Steve wants the moment to last forever in the sense that he could watch Bucky forever, draw him like this to the most wonderful background noise. It doesn’t matter. 

“Do you think that if you own a motel like this in the middle of nowhere, that it kind if seems like you’re on a permanent vacation? That must be nice,” Bucky murmurs. Steve’s not entirely sure on how to take it, but he guesses that he can see what Bucky means with it. 

“Yeah…” He says and watches him for a moment longer. He tells himself it’s so he knows what line to add next in his drawing. But he knows that’s a lie. “Hey Buck?” Steve begins and shifts a little in the lawn chair. Bucky hums to show that he’s listening. “I saw this little restaurant earlier when I was walking to the crafts store. Tiny Italian place. Seemed very cozy. Do you want to have dinner there tonight?” 

“As if I’d ever say no to Italian Steve,” Bucky smirks and it makes all of him seem even more beautiful. When on earth had he started thinking about his best friend as beautiful? “It a pizza Italian place, or a pasta Italian place? Cause I could kill for salmon tagliatelle right now,” Bucky takes another sip of his drink. The coconut rattles a little.   


“It’s both,” Steve’s happy to inform him and watches his best friend with a soft grin. “We’ll get you your salmon tagliatelle.” 

“Stevie, I fucking love you, you know that?”

“Mm, I’ve been told,” Steve laughs. 

\--

“That was so fucking good,” Bucky says and dramatically places his hand on his stomach, swinging with his other holding the bottle of wine that they had been gifted at the restaurant for no reason in particular. It didn’t matter, they had enjoyed the house wine during their dinner and damn well were going to enjoy the house wine back in their motel room, with no shame whatsoever. They had nowhere to be tomorrow, and should they get one of those sharp wine headaches, then they got the sharp wine headache and could sleep it off by the pool. They had by now learned that they were alone in the motel so… 

“We’re eating there tomorrow again right?” Steve asks, feeling a little bit tipsy. Bucky nods and enters the parking lot of the motel, spins around and cradles the wine bottle against his chest. 

“As if I’d ever eat anywhere else during our stay here,” Bucky snorts, turns and stumbles a step. Steve’s heart for a moment freezes in fear of the wine bottle, but Bucky regains himself, grabs hold of one of the poles and straightens up. He grins and raises the wine bottle for Steve to see. 

“We’re safe!” Bucky declares, spins around again and starts walking towards their room, singing a song that Steve only vaguely knows from the radio. He giggles and follows Bucky. As soon as they reach by the door Lulu begins to bark with those deep  _ boofs _ of her. Bucky clicks with his tongue, removes the key from the door and places his hand on his chest. “I fucking love when she does that, it so adorable.” 

“Right?” Steve agrees and leans against the wall. It’s wonderful to just close his eyes for a moment and rest against something. “Let’s go inside I wanna cuddle her, and I wanna drink that wine.” 

Bucky laughs a little and puts the key back in the door, twists the lock and opens the door. Lulu pushes the door open with her head and half comes outside, wagging her large tail. “Hi sweetheart!” Bucky says and leans down to hug her. “God I missed you, yes I did, you’re so darling. God I love you so so much, yes I do,” Bucky ruffles all of her fur all over and Steve leans in to kiss her on the top of her head. 

“Come on, back inside, back it up, let us come in,” Bucky says and pushes her on her chest a little bit. Lulu backs up and allows the two of them to come into the room. The first thing that Bucky does is place the wine bottle on the dresser, leaving it safe. “I’m, gonna take this lovely lady for her last walk of the day. You wanna come?” Bucky says and reaches for the lead. Steve shakes his head and pulls his top over his head. 

“Nah, I’m gonna, I’m gonna take a bath. All of me is so sticky,” Steve sniffs the top and pulls a face. He likes the heat that Georgia brings, but he sure as hell doesn’t enjoy the humidity. He had taken a shower before they went out and he can barely tell. 

“Alright, just you and me lady, c’mon,” Bucky clicks the lead on her collar, grabs the pink poop bags and heads outdoors. The room falls into silence, but Steve barely notices. He tosses his tank on his bed and heads into the bathroom. 

As he runs the water for the tub, he’s stuck wondering for a second what the deal is with the mint tile on everything. He would  _ never _ put mint tile in the bathrooms of his and Bucky’s hypothetical hotel. He undresses, kicks his clothes into a corner and sinks down in the tub with a groan. The water isn’t cold, but it’s not warm either. So it cools him down after all and makes him feel like an entirely different man in the blink of an eye. 

Steve shuts his eyes and for a moment does absolutely nothing. He just sits there and lets the water do it’s work. Maybe he doses like that for five minutes, or thirty. He only gets pulled back into reality when he hears the door open and Bucky come back inside with their dog. He grins a little at that.  _ Their _ dog. They have a dog. 

There’s the little click from when Bucky unclips the lead, the heavy paws of her over the carpet and then the unmistakable flop of Lulu going to lay down in her basket. “Steve, where you at? I’m opening he wine!” Bucky says, there’s a rumble as he goes through his bag, probably looking for their bottle opener. 

“Bring me a glass? I’m in the tub?” Steve asks of him, craning his neck a little to see if he can look into their room. But all he sees is the dresser. 

“Oh, twisty cap,” Bucky says all off a sudden and Steve snickers, imagines him standing in front of the wine bottle with the bottle opener, only to find out that he’s just has to twist a cap. There’s some more sound, and Bucky makes an appearance in the bathroom moments later, holding the wine bottle up and two of the plastic cups that the room offers. 

“I bring you, wine.” Bucky comes to sit down beside Steve on the floor, places the cups in between his legs and opens the bottle. “One very fancy glass for you, aaaaaand one for me.” Bucky offers Steve one of the cups, takes his own and raises it with a drunken smile. “To a trip that’s been pretty damn great so far,” 

“To a trip that’s been pretty damn great so far.” Steve agrees and raises his cup to him. They smash it together and both bring their respective cups to their lips and take a large drink. Bucky pulls a face after, turns to his side and leans against the side of the tub. Steve closes his eyes again and tilts his head back. 

“How far off are we from Daytona?” Steve asks curiously, sinking down a little bit further down in the tub. There’s another inch of chill against his chest from the water. Bucky hums a little and Steve imagines that he crunches up his nose as he thinks. 

“Bout two, three hours? Depending on how fast we go. You want to make another stop before we reach mom and dad?” Bucky asks him. Steve considers this a little bit, then shakes his head. They’re so close now that it almost doesn’t seem worth it. Besides, he’s come to miss Winnie a little, and wonders if she’ll make him those brownies that smell so lovely. 

“No, let’s just… head straight to them when we step back in the car.” Steve says with a little smirk and opens his eyes, tilting his head a little bit to the side and gives Bucky a smile. Bucky returns it with that same damn goofy and drunken smile from before. Bucky rests his chin on the porcelain edge of the tub and just stares Steve in his eyes. 

“Have you had a good time so far? You feeling better now?” Bucky licks his lips a little, Steve can’t help but let his eyes dip down to them and notices how wonderfully pink they are. It hits him again with a flash that Bucky is wonderfully beautiful. It’s not fair to the rest of the world that Bucky and Bucky alone gets to be so beautiful. He’s the most gorgeous person Steve has ever seen. Or at least, the most gorgeous person Steve’s noticed these past couple of years. 

“Yeah! Yeah I’m feeling better I’m… I don’t know.” Steve looks ahead of him and frowns a little. “I’m feeling lighter. More at ease by now you know? I’m not… so stressed anymore. I sleep better.” Bucky laughs and nods, brushing some of his hair behind his ear. 

“Hell yeah you do! I don’t hear you tossing all night anymore. You just lay down and you’re out. Like a freaking light.” Bucky waves with his hand and finishes his wine, puts it down on the floor and pours himself a new cup. Steve empties his and reaches over the edge of the tub so Bucky can fill it up as well. He catches the hint and fills Steve’s up to the brim. It spills a little bit over his fingers. “You’re drawing and arting too, I like that, I seen you Rogers. I wanna see me,” Bucky taps his chest and smirks to him. Steve’s cheeks feel warm at the mention and he looks down for a moment. 

“It’s not finished,” Steve mutters and brings the cup up to his lips to hide the level of embarrassment that he feels. It was finished actually. And it looked beautiful too, perhaps a little too gorgeous. For that reason alone Steve wanted to hold that sketch close against his chest and keep it for himself. His own Bucky to which he could just watch for hours without it getting weird. 

“Uhuh. Well, when it is I want to see it okay?” Bucky doesn’t even notice Steve’s blush or that he seems to be struggling keeping a straight face. Steve sighs a little and keeps his eyes on Bucky, cheek pressed up against the porcelain of the tub and drinks from his wine. He sees how that one particularly stubborn strand of Bucky’s hair falls past his ear again. Then without being able to help it he reaches his hand out from the water and to Bucky’s cheek. His eyes grow wide as Steve turns Bucky’s head and slides his fingers over Bucky’s jaw. He finds the strand of hair and twirls his fingers around it. Bucky watches him with large, beautiful blue eyes. 

“When did you get so pretty?” Steve asks on a whisper of a tone. Bucky licks his lips again and looks down with a soft chuckle. The thing about Bucky is, when he blushes it doesn’t take over his cheeks. Instead his ears turn into a deep shade of red - not entirely unlike their wine - and heat up. He can practically feel the warmth radiating from it. 

“I uhh… I-” Bucky stammers, then chuckles nervously and looks down to the floor. He sniffs and looks up to him. “I… what?” 

Steve smirks to him. “I asked when you get so pretty?” Steve asks again, feeling bolder thanks to the wine. 

“Damn Rogers when did you start to get so smooth?” Bucky shifts a little on the floor, straightening himself up and turning more to face Steve. Resting his side against the tub now than his back. Steve shrugs a little and keeps his smirk. 

“I’m still waiting for my answer you know?” Steve teases him, lets go of the strand of hair and gives Bucky a slight push on his shoulder. Surprisingly it makes Bucky burst out in giggles and attempt to grab his hand. He succeeds and squeezes Steve’s hand, holding it tightly against his chest. 

“I’ve always been pretty, you just haven’t been looking at me lately to know. And now you’re noticing,” Bucky says with a wink. It makes Steve laugh a little and nod. 

“Yeah okay, fine I guess you’re right about that,” Steve agrees, letting Bucky toy with his fingers a little. The red tint in the others ears has gone down a little, now they’re more of a magnificent pink than a deep red. 

“You’re pretty too, you know that right?” Bucky says on a whisper, puts his wine cup down on the floor and uses his now free hand to slide up Steve’s arm. Touching his muscles, gently squeezing him as he gets a chance. Steve smiles weakly to him and enjoys the feel of Bucky’s hand touching him like that. It’s soft and tender, incredibly intimate. Steve raises his shoulder a little, feeling the touch of Bucky’s fingers over his bicep, stroke featherlight onto his shoulder and collarbone. It makes his arm break out in goosebumps.

“I’m starting to believe it now,” Steve says. Or at least, he thinks he does. He might just have thought it, he’s not entirely sure. Bucky’s eyes are so blue, that it even reminds him a little bit of the damn blasted sketchbook that Bucky made him buy. For a second right then and there it feels like he’s staring right into Bucky’s soul. 

Bucky licks his lips again, his teeth pull at his bottom lip and makes it turn red. Steve’s eyes dip down to them and he sees Bucky take a breath, slow and steady, and Bucky’s fingers trail down Steve’s chest and into the water. Bucky scoots just a little bit closer to Steve, leans in a little over the edge of the tub and pauses. Steve could brush their noses together, and he does. Bucky closes in the last bit of distance in between them and carefully presses his lips against Steve’s. 

It’s a soft and careful kiss. Not entirely unlike Steve’s very first one where they both had been so scared and nervous, lips barely touching. Barely being more than just a soft peck. But this, this kiss manages to suck the breath out of him. Bucky’s fingers dip deeper down over the muscles on Steve’s abdomen. The touch leaves behind a heavy, warm trail over his stomach as Bucky’s touch seems almost electrifying. It’s like every little fraction of an inch that Bucky touches gets pulled down to the ground and makes his stomach twirl. Bucky’s fingers find his cock, only half hard from the touch and wraps them around him. Steve gasps in their kiss. Bucky kisses him again. 

It’s deeper and needier now, Bucky’s lip traces over Steve’s lower lip and he gladly parts his lips for him. Bucky’s tongue licks into his mouth as he strokes Steve’s cock and Steve moans again. His fingers slide into Bucky’s hair, pulling more of it out of the bun as he does just because he wants a grip on it, on him, wanting to keep Bucky close to him. Not wanting to let him go. Bucky moans a little at what Steve imagines is a soft sting on his scalp. 

Bucky only needs to stroke his cock a handful of times before he’s gone from semi hard, to achingly fully hard. The water splashes against the edge of the bath as Steve shifts just a little, sitting up more so Bucky has better reach and shoves his cup of wine on the other edge of the tub and away. His fingers drag over the porcelain as he tries to hold on to something, but it’s to smooth and slippery for that. 

Bucky’s mouth is warm and wet, with the sting of that wine that they’ve been drinking. It’s intoxicating in a whole different way than any other kiss that he’s ever had in his entire life. He wants more, he wants everything that is Bucky and more importantly - as he holds onto Bucky’s hair and licks into his mouth - he doesn’t want it to end. 

He gasps as Bucky brushes his thumb over the tip of his cock, breaking their kiss. His eyes flutter open and he sees the wonderful ocean blue again that is Bucky’s eyes and he moans. Bucky’s lips are flushed and pink, a little out of breath from their kiss. But Bucky grins, pleased at all of Steve’s reactions, or at least that’s what Steve imagines at that moment. Not that he can think very clearly anymore. His brain has turned to mush. 

“Fuck,” Steve groans again. His eyes flutter closed as Bucky changes the angle of his wrist just a little, somehow making the sensation of being jerked off even better than before. Bucky bites down on his lip again, scoots a little bit closer and now slides his own hand in Steve’s hair to kiss him again. Steve moans in the kiss and all but melts at the touch of Bucky. His fingers slide out of Steve’s hair and around his shoulders, keeping him up, steady and close.

“Fuck that feels good,” Steve groans and tilts his head back a little. Bucky takes his chance in action and begins to press soft kisses to Steve’s neck just underneath his beard line. Nuzzling into the coarse hairs with his nose and scraping his teeth over his sensitive skin. He can already feel the warm and familiar feeling nestling in his lower abdomen of an orgasm. 

_ This is going to be quick _ , Steve can’t help but think.  _ Embarrassingly quick _ . When was the last time he even jerked off himself? He can’t remember. And now to have another human being touch him like this feels surreal. The fact that it’s Bucky, who he trusts with all of his life, who has made him feel so good in so many ways these past two weeks is even more amazing. He doesn’t think that he’ll ever feel better than he currently does. 

Steve tilts his head back down again and pulls his hand out of Bucky’s hair and strokes his hand to his jaw. Cupping him and kissing him again. He moans again, his breathing getting shallower and faster as the orgasm comes racing towards him. To fast and to quickly. 

The water is splashing against the edges of the cups as Bucky’s wrist starts stroking him a little bit faster. Just that tiny little bit tighter that it makes Steve lose his mind. Bucky keeps going, keeps that wonderfully steady pace and keeps him so close, their foreheads pressed together and noses brushing each other as they both pant together. 

“Come on,” Bucky encourages and gives him the softest, sweetest kiss on the corner of Steve’s mouth and somehow, that’s all it takes. His orgasm overpowers him as he comes with a deep, drawn out groan. Bucky’s hand slows down just a little, steadies out at a regular pace but keeps holding him tightly. The warm feeling spreads all the way to Steve’s fingertips and toes, and in that blissful moment all of Steve’s worries that may still have been lingering in the back of his head are suddenly gone. 

“There we go,” Bucky murmurs his praise in Steve’s ear, still holding him steady with the arm around Steve’s shoulders. Steve relaxes and goes limp for a moment, trusting Bucky to catch him and he does. He feels the light fingers let go of his cock, stroke up Steve’s abdomen and then his chest. Steve hadn’t noticed until now that the sleeve of Bucky’s shirt is wet from the water. 

Bucky’s fingers come up his neck, over his beard and to his lips. Those fingertips that moments ago were touching his cock were against his lips. Steve presses a soft kiss to them before Bucky slides them away and pulls Steve in for a kiss. It’s short but manages to last forever. Bucky steadies Steve back against the tub and then looks at him. Those blue eyes seem foggy now. Bucky licks his lips and looks down. 

“Buck-” Steve begins and reaches out for him. But before he has the chance to do so Bucky stands up and walks out of the bathroom. “Shit, Buck!” Steve calls after him and gets out of the tub. Water just runs down him and soaks into the little bath mat. He grabs the nearest towel that he can find and wraps it around his waist, nearly knocking over the wine bottle that Bucky had left on the floor. He doesn’t bother drying himself up and heads straight for the doorway to their shared bedroom. 

Lulu raises her head from her bed and tilts her head to the side. Steve’s pleased to see that Bucky is still in their bedroom, but less pleased about the fact that Bucky is acting like an  _ actual child _ and is curled up on his bed, under the sheets. Steve looks at him for a moment, not being able to believe what he’s seeing right now. This is how Bucky chooses to act? 

Steve scoffs and shakes his head, brushing his fingers through his hair. He’s both annoyed and a little bit relieved. Now they don’t have to face it, now they don’t have to talk about it which perhaps might be for the best. Maybe…

His stomach is still swirling like that as he watches the lump that is Bucky under the bedsheets. He supposes that it’s awkward for not just Steve, but for Bucky too. They don't’ have to talk about it right now. They can talk about it in the morning. Steve chews on his lip and looks at Bucky again, hoping just a little that he’ll be sitting up and smiling to him. But all he sees is a lump. 

“Alright then,” Steve says with a little nod, there’s a heavy feeling in his chest. For a short moment he imagines that it’s his heart sinking down slowly, dragging against his inner walls (no matter how weird that might be). “We don’t have to talk right now,” Steve murmurs more for himself, than for Bucky and goes back into the bathroom to dry up. He’s not entirely sure why, but Steve closes the door behind himself and locks it this time. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Oh my god let me see the puppy!” Winnie shrieks the moment they pull up on the driveway of the Barnes residence in Daytona Beach. She launches up from the chair that she was sat in on their porch and practically jumps down the four steps. Both Bucky and Steve laugh at the way that Rebecca who had been sitting beside her visibly flinches at the sudden outburst of her mother. 

“Think she’s excited to see Lulu?” Bucky asks, which is only the fifth thing that Bucky had said to Steve all day. They didn’t talk about the handjob in the bath in the morning. Of course they didn’t, they’re adults and they just don’t talk about such things. They had gotten breakfast together but not spoken much. Bucky did have a terrible temper in the morning so Steve hadn’t said anything until Bucky had finished his third cup of coffee. And then… the day sort of had just gone on. 

“I think Lulu’s just as excited,” Steve says and looks over his shoulder to the seat behind them. Lulu is sat at the middle, ears peaked up and eyes intently on the woman hurrying over to the car. Then Rebecca seems to realise what the ruckus is about. 

“Wait there’s a puppy?!” She screams and follows down the same path as Winnie. God she’s a grown woman now, last time Steve had seen her she had been fifteen, sixteen at best. She must be twenty, twenty-two or something by now. Bucky puts the car in park and unbuckles his seat belt. He opens the door and slides out of the car just in time as Winnie reaches up to him. He spreads his arms to hug her but Winnie just races straight past him. 

“Hi James I love you show me the puppy!” Winnie demands and pats Bucky on his shoulder. Steve laughs and gets out of the car as well, instantly struck by the heat that Florida offers for him. Somehow this heat is nicer than in Georgia. 

“She has her priorities,” Steve says and walks around the car, just in time for Bucky to open the back door to his truck and letting Lulu out. Lulu doesn’t hesitate a moment and jumps out onto the driveway, instantly wagging her large tail and wandering up to Winnie, who squeals and kneels down in front of the dog. 

“Oh my god you got a dog and you didn’t tell me?!” Rebecca demands as she makes it down the steps of the porch as well and hurries over to pet her as well. Bucky just makes a gesture with his arms and waves towards them as he looks over to Steve, who laughs at how the Barnes family is just entirely forgetting that he came to visit them. 

“Steve and I got a dog, it’s both of ours, not mine,” Bucky mumbles and shoves his hands down in his pockets while he watches the two women pay more attention to the dog than him. Rebecca is cooing her and scratching Lulu on her neck while Winnie is fluffling her ears. 

“She’s absolutely fucking adorable yes you are, yes you are! Do you have a magic spot somewhere? Oh there we go!” Rebecca rambles on and keeps scratching Lulu on her neck. Particularly when she finds that spot just above Lulu’s shoulder that makes her pull a face and start kicking with one of her back legs. 

“She’s so lovely,” Winnie adds and looks up to both Steve and Bucky from the ground, smiling widely and showing the same deep and raw joy that Bucky has. It occurs to him that he must have inherited it from his mother. Cause he sure as hell didn’t inherit it from his father. 

“Yes she is, what about me mom do I get a hug?” Bucky pouts and taps his chest. Winnie clicks with her tongue, presses a kiss to Lulu’s snout and then stands up to hug him. She has to stand on her toes to get her arms around Bucky’s neck. 

“Of course darling I’m sorry, I missed you. You look handsome,” Winnie says and pats at Bucky’s hair before letting go of him. Beside them Rebecca takes up Winnie’s old spot on the driveway and is now making kissing noises to Lulu. The result is that she licks all over Rebecca’s face. “And you Steve so good to see you, it’s been years hasn’t it?” Winnie turns to Steve and spreads her arms to hug Steve as well. When she wraps her arms around him it’s like being hugged by his very own mother. 

“I think so?” Steve murmurs, burying his nose in her neck and closing his eyes. She smells just like he remembers, bright and flowery, stung with the sun. “Must be at least four or five years, I didn’t get to see you last time we were up, you were working so damn much. What’s up with that huh? You don’t have time for your second family?” She teases and gives him a smack on his chest. Steve chuckles a little and looks down, ashamed. 

“Well,” He scratches his neck a little and tries not to shift to much on the spot and seem to nervous. “I’m here now? And I quit that job so, plenty of time now,” He says and raises his shoulders up a little. Winnie looks… oddly pleased at hearing that news. 

“I’m glad, that place was working you to the bone. They didn’t deserve someone of your talents if they were going to treat you like that,” She declares with a shrug and looks down to Rebecca and Lulu. “Becca say hi to your brother. The dog is going to stay for a while so you’ll get to see her don’t you worry your pretty little head.” 

“No way, she’s staying? Can we keep her?” Rebecca casts her large brown eyes up to the pair of them but doesn't move to get up from the floor and give Bucky a hug. Instead she remains down on the ground and keeps scratching Lulu, who now moves to sit down on her lap instead. 

“No she’s ours. You can’t keep her, she’s coming with us when we go back home. Which will be without you,” Bucky tells Rebecca in a childish manner and sticks out his tongue to her. Rebecca rolls her eyes and wraps her arms around the fluffy creature that is Lulu. 

“Don’t listen to him you’re staying here with me, yes you are gorgeous,” Rebecca murmurs to her. Bucky opens his mouth to protest to her again, but shuts it the moment he realises that Rebecca is only teasing him and using her little sister card, thus getting away with it again. 

“Come say hi to your father he’s out back. He’s dragging out the barbeque for tonight, you boys want barbeque tonight? We got burgers and hot dogs, and some spare ribs for you,” Winnie asks although it sounds more like a statement and heads for the house. Bucky follows her without bothering to take out their luggage from the car so Steve ignores it as well. He’d like a drink first and foremost. The car isn’t going anywhere. 

“You know I’ll never say no to spare ribs,” Steve says and follows her, walking a couple of paces behind Winnie and Bucky. “Come on Lulu,” He commands the dog and claps his own thigh. Lulu struggles off Rebecca who groans and follows Steve by his side. 

“Did you get me the veggie burgers?” Bucky asks hopeful as he follows his mother up the stairs. She tells him that of course she did, and the pair start talking about everything and nothing. Steve walks into the house and for a moment just wants to remain standing under the airco, letting the cold air just hit him until he actually freezes. But there’s no time for such. Winnie leads them through the house that looks mostly like Steve remembers it (just a new couch) and slides the glass door open to the back. 

Lulu who is still working on her manners, darts past the two of them when she spots the pool and goes straight for it. In it are two victims. Bucky’s youngest two sisters are both lounging on floatable donuts and talking to one another. They scream when Lulu all of a sudden reaches up to the edge of the pool and jumps straight in between them into the water. 

George appears all of a sudden and stands up straight in a fashion that’s not entirely unlike that of a meerkat. He looks in the direction of the screams and then bursts out laughing in a deep, loud chesty laugh that sounds rough. A smokers laugh. Winnie breaks out in a giggle, covering her mouth with her hand and shakes a head a little. Bucky however, looks as smug as only a big brother can. “Think they’ll be glad to see me?” He asks and just smiles to his mother. 

\--

“This was amazing, thank you momma I love you,” Bucky says as he stretches out in his chair with a loud sigh. His t-shirt rides up a little over his stomach and shows a hint of soft hairs. He reaches for Winnie and squeezes her on her shoulder, smiling to her before all but sinking together on his chair. 

“It was real lovely, thank you,” Steve agrees and pops the last cherry tomato in his mouth before he puts down his fork and makes sure to catch the eyes of both Winnie and Georgie. Winnie looks pleased by the praise, while George appears as always, tired and unphased about it. 

“Bet these two haven’t had a decent meal ever since they started their trip.” Winnie says and nods over to both of Steve and Bucky on their end to the table and glances to her three daughters. Underneath their table is Lulu, not sleeping, but guarding for any scraps that might fall of the table and enjoying plenty of rubs whenever someone brushes their foot over her. 

“Hey now, we actually had dinner at this amazing Italian place last night,” Bucky defends them both and gestures in between himself and Steve. Steve nods in agreement. If he shuts his eyes he can damn well still taste the sauce. Or at least. Imagine it. Just a little. 

“And, we did stop at another restaurant in Virginia, remember?” Steve asks and snaps his fingers at Bucky, who just gives him a confused look. “That place that just did a wide variety of gumbos?” Steve clarifies and Bucky’s face lights up. 

“Ohh yeah, that was a nice place,” Bucky agrees with a tired nod and rests his chin in the palm of his head. 

“Gumbo? In Virginia?” One of the twins, Judith says in the way that only a teenager can. With intense disinterest and mocking. 

“It was amazing.” Bucky laments before yawning. “They weren’t Virginia natives mind you? It was actually really fucking good,” Bucky’s eyes dip down to the bread basket and he frowns. Almost as if he’s considering if he can force down another piece of bread down his throat. 

“So where are you two going to stay tomorrow? Did you two make a reservation?” Winnie asks, folds her arms together and leans in over the table. Changing the topic to the brightness that’s supposed to be Disney World that they’re stepping into tomorrow. The other twin, Doris, makes an _ aww _ noise and complains to her sister that she wants to go as well. 

“We did not make a reservation. We haven’t decided on where to stay. Thought we’d do that tonight or something.” Bucky says. Under the table Bucky’s knee hits Steve, and the next thing he feels is Bucky’s foot slowly sliding over his. He keeps waiting for Bucky to pull away. But he doesn’t. Winnie gives him a look. “What! I’m sure that they got plenty of rooms available for people who just happen to drive by and decide to spend a couple of nights there on a wim, right Steve?”

“I mean, I’m not sure but I’d hope so?” Steve says with a soft little smile, feeling the heavy feeling of food in his stomach change over to something lighter and happier now that their feet are still touching. Bucky rubs his leg against him just a little. “I’d like to stay in the Animation one, if we can’t do that then it doesn’t really matter for me, wherever we get a room. I’m just happy to go.” 

“We’ll get you a room in the animation one,” Bucky promises him with a nod and sips of his beer. Steve can’t help but smile like an absolute moron to him for that. This time tomorrow they’ll be watching fireworks he imagines, with that wonderful castle in the night sky and hearing the wonderful songs. He’s going to walk out of there with a wide variety of merchandise that they just might have to take a bus trip from the park to the hotel just to dump it all off.

“Well you better book tonight, just to be sure,” Winnie tells them both with a nod. “You hear me? You book that hotel tonight for this boy,” Winnie warns and points over to Steve with one of her fingers. Bucky just makes a whining noise but then chuckles and nods. His foot slides off Steve’s. 

\--

“How many nights do you want to stay? Three? A week?” Bucky taps away on the ipad that he borrowed from his father. He’s sitting up in the bed and Steve’s laying beside him, the thin cover of Bucky’s Transformers sheet laying over his waist. There had only been one bedroom. With Rebecca apparently also staying, the twins had been forced to share, Rebecca was given Judith's room and that meant that Steve and Bucky were forced to share Bucky’s old bedroom. There’s a poster hanging on the ceiling staring down to Steve of a movie he’s never seen before. 

“Three days? We could always extend, right?” Steve asks and pulls a face, looking to Bucky’s naked back. He’s got a few liver spots on his shoulder blade now that must be new. “I mean, if we could I’d stay for like a week or two, but that’s going to cost an insane amount,” Steve sighs. Sure he still has savings, and sure Bucky is still very well off for someone their age, but that doesn’t mean that they should be flat out broke by the time that they get back to New York. Who knows when he’d get another job? 

“A week… plus tickets… park hopper?” Bucky looks over his shoulder before he decides the answer anyway. “Park hopper. It’ll be nice to have the option.” He taps away for a moment longer, Steve listens to the dull thudding of Bucky’s fingers against the ipad with his eyes closed. “Pass me my wallet?” Bucky then asks and reaches behind him.

Steve opens his eyes and looks around in the room, finds Bucky’s wallet and hands it over to him, then rolls onto his side. Bucky fills in some more details, and then taps the ipad harder at one specific point. “Voila, all reserved and got a weekend long stay in Art of animation, just for you.” Bucky flips the ipad over and smiles to him. Steve has to squint a little, but sure enough their stay is confirmed and booked. 

“You are wonderful,” Steve practically beams at him and hands him back the ipad to him. Bucky’s smiling to and looks down to the screen. Steve’s not entirely sure if it is because he made him so happy, or if it is because he also is going to Disney. Then he sighs and puts the ipad and his wallet down on the floor beside him and flops down on the bed. Bucky’s hair is curling again in that most wonderful way. 

Steve says nothing and just watches him for a short moment. Bucky stretches out his legs underneath the transformers cover and scrolls on his phone a little. “Bucky?” Steve asks him on a whisper. Somehow it feels wrong to break the silence. It’s not right for Steve to bring up last night when he so clearly should be keeping his big mouth shut before he ruins it. 

Bucky lowers his phone and looks at him. His eyes seem impossibly big, curious and wondering. Steve realises it’s the first time since Bucky had his hand on his dick that he gets to look into those eyes this well. 

“You’re pretty,” Steve whispers under his breath and wants nothing more but to reach out to Bucky and stroke those cheekbones that could cut glass. The strong firm jaw and feel the slight bit of stubble under his fingertips. Bucky doesn’t look away, which honestly Steve had expected him to do. Instead he looks straight back into Steve’s eyes. He takes a breath as if he’s about to say something, chest rising a little. But whatever plays on Bucky’s mind he decides not to say. His chest falls again and Bucky smiles a little, rolling onto his side and faces him. 

Neither of them say anything for a moment, they just lay there. The moment is absolutely, utterly perfect. Nobody has to say anything. It’s just them and the world. Then, ever so carefully, Bucky reaches out for him. His fingers brush Steve’s chin, thumb up over his lips and it takes all of Steve’s willpower to not just kiss it. 

He doesn’t have to think and worry about it however. Because Bucky is the one that shifts forward and tenderly presses his lips against Steve. So soft and so sweet. Steve instantly falls into kissing him back, shifting just that tidbit little closer in the bed. Bucky slides his hand from Steve’s jaw, to his neck and pulls him closer, deepening the kiss bit by bit. 

Steve parts his lips a little, and sure enough Bucky licks his tongue into his mouth again. Steve groans a little and moves a bit closer again. Bucky’s hand slides down from Steve’s neck to his back, to the small of his back and pulls him right against Bucky, hips pressing against one another. Steve does the same, wrap the one arm that he can around Bucky’s waist and keeps him close, wanting to keep him right against. Wanting to melt into him if he could, wanting to touch that warm skin against his own. How Bucky could be so so lovely was beyond him. 

He feels how his top rides up a little, and how Bucky’s fingers dip in and under. Fingers warm and burning against Steve’s skin. Steve arches his back a little in the touch, wanting to feel so much more of it. Then Bucky’s hand flattens on his back, slides up back and hugs him in close. He becomes acutely aware of how muscular Bucky’s arm feels against him. 

He moans just a little in their kiss and Bucky sees this as a chance to become just a little bit more dominant. Pressing himself against Steve so he’s forced to lay back down on the bed. It’s arousing, and when Steve shifts his leg just a little he feels pressed against his hip bone is Bucky’s cock, now thicker and harder against him. He lets out another moan at that thought and Bucky kisses his jaw, his neck again and scrapes his teeth over the very same piece of skin as the night before. 

Steve grinds up against Bucky a little. Certainly not intentionally at first. It’s deep, raw and instinctive. The need to feel something and someone against him. What he doesn’t expect is how Bucky moans just a little at that. The little bit of friction feeling what Steve imagines is an incredible, maddening and so wonderful sensation. Bucky grinds back down against him, his hand sliding to Steve’s hip and grabbing hold of him. Hard enough for Steve to even want a it to bruise just a little bit. A faint mark of a thumb just beside his hip bone tomorrow. A very small strain as he walks.

Bucky nips at his neck and Steve gasps a little, arching his back off the bed a little and then finds his lips again to kiss him again. Bucky’s grip eases a little and his hand slides down, stroking Steve over his boxers with that same hot touch. Steve lets out a noise in their kiss, arching up against Bucky’s palm and instantly wanting more. Wanting what Bucky gave him the night before. He wants to feel that good again. 

Steve spots Bucky smile a little bit and moves to kiss it off him as Bucky’s hand strokes him, dips up and then slides in underneath the elastic band of his boxers and down again. The touch is infinitely better when there’s no water. When it’s just skin on skin. Steve moans and lets his eyes close for a moment, giving into the touch. 

It takes him a couple of seconds before he regains his control again and realises that he should do something. That he should do something to Bucky because he too deserves to feel so good. So he moves his hand in between them. Bucky freezes for a short moment, almost as if he’s afraid that Steve’s going to stop him. But when Steve presses the palm of his hand against Bucky’s own cock through his underwear, Bucky relaxes with a moan, pressing his forehead into the curve of Steve’s neck. 

It’s tight and cramped, but somehow they make it work. They move in unison in an odd way, hardly ever bumping into one another with their arms which is somewhat of a miracle. They kiss whenever they can, deep and eager, although now their kisses get broken more and more with their moans. Steve arches into Bucky’s touch, feeling a warm pit in his stomach craving more from it all, shivering a little when Bucky spreads the pre-cum that’s been dripping of the tip over his cock with his strokes. 

“Hips up,” Bucky murmurs to him and presses a kiss to Steve’s neck, his teeth nip again and for a moment it’s like Bucky wants to leave a hickey there. But he doesn’t. Steve does as he’s asked instantly and lifts up his hips a little, watching how Bucky hooks his thumbs over the boxers and tugs them down. Then bats away Steve’s hand and does the same with his. 

For a split second Steve hesitates. He wants Bucky’s touch back against him sure, wants to feel good and more importantly, feel good with Bucky, but he’s not entirely sure he wants to sleep with him. It’s scary and intimidating. Bucky kisses him and sucks away all the fear and worry that he might have had, and shifts on top of Steve, straddling his legs and tugs off his top, now leaving him fully naked and beautiful on top of him. 

“Fuck,” Steve breathes out and looks up to him. Admiring Bucky like he’s the center of the universe and the stars and the moon. He strokes his hands up those thighs, thick and muscular, covered in fine hairs and slides his hands up Bucky’s side and in over his abdomen. Carefully avoiding those ticklish sides. Bucky grins down to him and brushes his hair out of his eyes by just stroking his hand through it and leans down to kiss him again before straightening up one final time. He scoots closer, takes Steve’s cock back in his hand and gives him a stroke. 

Steve lets out a moan that’s a bit louder now, unable of helping himself when he’s got Bucky sitting on top of him like that. Bucky brings up one finger to his lips and makes a shushing sound, but the corners of his mouth are twitched up, only telling him that he’s amused. Steve grins a little in return and moans again when he feels that stroke, although a bit quieter. 

Then, Bucky moves Steve’s cock a bit, presses it against his own. Steve lets out a soft _ oh _ and watches as Bucky moves his hand around both of them and gives them a stroke. Steve whimpers as Bucky now jerks them off together, pressed closely against one another and rocks forward a little. Steve can feel how Bucky’s cock slides against his. “Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck-” Steve begins to ramble and continues to ramble as Bucky’s fist pumps up over them. 

“Shhh,” Bucky murmurs again, moans a little himself and leans over Steve just a little, just enough to slide his fingers over Steve’s mouth and cover it. He sucks his fingers in his mouth, relishing at the slight salt sting to them from the precum. He can feel that they’re just fingers, but it doesn’t stop Steve from imagining that it’s Bucky’s cock that he’s sucking instead. 

Bucky’s breathing turns a notch heavier, he thrusts just lightly with his hips in his hand all while still moving his wrist just a little, jerking Steve off. Steve makes a pathetic sound at that and thinks that once more he won't last long even if he wants to. He wants to cum together with Bucky this time. He scratches his nails over Bucky’s thigh and moves his hand to grip his hip. 

“Jesus,” Bucky groans and tilts his head back, exposing his adams apple and the neck that Steve wants to sink his teeth in. That he wants to kiss, that he wants to suck marks in to let the world know that he was with Bucky, that he got Bucky looking like this. All flushed and moaning, wanting and shivering. 

Bucky grips them both a bit tighter now, moaning and losing his rhythm a little with his hips a bit. Steve strokes his hand up that muscular abdomen of the other on top of him. Admiring every little bit of Bucky that was on top of him. It’s a sight that’s burned into his brain forever. An image that he’ll lock away inside of him and only pull out at the late nights when he can’t sleep. When he reaches down to touch himself and by god is he going to imagine that Bucky’s cock is against him and his fist around the both of them. 

Steve bites down on his lower lip, feeling a slight sting of pain as the blood rushes up to his lip. He feels that warmth coiling in his stomach, edging him and wanting to break free. Bucky has his eyes closed and in the dark Steve can make out how Bucky’s cheeks are just a little bit pink. Oh… so he can blush like that. There’s something sharper about the way Bucky moans on top of him now. Like he’s trying to keep hold of himself and not to let go. Not entirely unlike Steve did the day before, and all Bucky had to do was to tell him to let go. 

“Come on Buck,” Steve murmurs and reaches down, strokes Bucky’s hand and makes him let go of them. He takes over and squeezes them just a little. Bucky puts his hands behind him and leans back, stretching all that wonderful beauty back, almost as if he’s been putting himself on display. “Just let it go, let it go,” 

Bucky lets out a strangled noise at that and covers his mouth with his hand. Steve strokes them both a little bit faster and a little bit tighter. Then Bucky’s orgasm hits him, it catches him off guard a little, surprises Steve a little. Bucky comes with a soft, shiver of a moan and doesn’t shoot, but drips over Steve’s cock and his fingers and finally, onto the top that Steve’s wearing. Not that he cares to much about it. 

“Oh-” Steve murmurs at the sight, then his orgasm hits him as well. Unlike Bucky, he shoots a little, staining his shirt up further. Bucky’s chest is rising and falling a little, his eyes are still closed and his hair all ruffled up. Steve let’s go of them and strokes up Bucky with his clean, unstained hand. He reaches up to Bucky’s neck and gently tugs, which seems to wake him up. Bucky leans forward over Steve and and catches on instantly to what Steve wants. He kisses him all soft and blissful. 

It lasts for only a second, but yet an eternity at the same time. Bucky pulls away by barely an inch and brushes his nose against Steve’s. “Let me get you a towel,” He whispers under his breath, then almost with a slight tremble in his thighs Bucky gets off him. Steve swallows and watches Bucky get off the bed in a way that’s elegant, and then head for his drawers and dig through them. 

“Sure,” Steve mutters and pops his elbows up and watches as Bucky pulls out a small towel and tosses it over him. Steve doesn’t really need it, but he wipes himself off nonetheless and tugs of the top. Balls it together and tosses it to his bag. He doesn’t really care if it’s ruined or not. 

Bucky cleans himself up by his drawer and pulls on a new pair of boxers, then comes back to the bed and gets under the sheets. “Good night Steve,” Bucky murmurs and turns so his back is turned against him. Steve watches him again, a little stunned that he’s getting nearly the same treatment as the day before. At least now there’s progress, he hasn’t pulled the cover over his head, and he gave Steve a good night. So… that’s something. 

“Good night Buck,” Steve whispers softly under his breath and lays back down. He watches the back of Bucky’s head and fights the urge to tangle his fingers in Bucky’s hair and pet him until he drifts off to sleep himself. But he doesn’t.

\--


	6. Chapter 6

“You two have a very, very good time now okay?” Winnie says as she tiptoes up to hug her son goodbye. Bucky kneels down just a little to catch her and Steve smiles a little when he sees how Bucky squeezes her so tightly around his waist. “We’ll look after Lulu, she’s gonna have a great time laying around in the pool and I’m going to send you two pictures every day alright? And you better do the same,”

“We will momma, I love you, we’ll see you in about a week okay?” Bucky says and lets go of her with a little smile and steps back. Winnie turns in on Steve and hugs him tightly, she has to stand on tiptoes for him as well. He feels an overwhelming wave of love for the woman right then and there and he doesn’t really want to let her go. But he does and smiles to her. 

“Now go, off you go you got a mouse to see, go go go!” Winnie ushers them to the car and laughs. Steve snickers and heads around the car, stopping to lean in and kiss Lulu on her snout. He sneaks into the passenger seat of the car and feels those childish bubbles of excitement grow stronger inside of him. He watches Bucky also come over and kiss Lulu, several times and kneeling down in front of her. Steve watches them both with a smile, and thinks that he might love Bucky a little bit. 

Bucky gives his mother another kiss on her cheek and smiles that sunshine laugh before he goes to the driver's seat, gets in the car and buckles his seatbelt. “Final stretch now Stevie, final stretch!” Bucky winks to him, puts the key in the ignition and twists the key. The engine comes to life slowly, but strong and steady. 

“You better hurry up Buck, I’m telling you. I’m not waiting another minute longer than necessary,” Steve says and puts on his sunglasses. Beside him Bucky bursts out in a laugh, puts the car in reverse and looks over his shoulder as he backs out of the driveway. Once they’re on the road, Bucky puts the car in drive and heads off, he reaches over to Steve’s thigh and squeezes him. 

“I’ll get you to your beloved Disney World, don’t you worry. Art of animation coming up.” Bucky promises him with a wide smile that Steve catches in Bucky’s profile. It catches, and Steve smiles right back as his heart does that funny thing in his chest. Like it’s trying to break free. For a second he wants nothing more but to lean in and kiss the corner of Bucky’s mouth.

\--

The bags had been dropped at the hotel only thirty minutes prior, after the most excruciatingly long check in process that Steve had ever gone through in his entire life. It wasn’t longer than any other check in really, but Steve wanted to go to the Magic Kingdom. And he wanted to go  _ now.  _ So the bags had been dumped and the first thing they had done was head right back out. They didn’t bother to unpack, why should they? 

They went straight for the busses and hopped on the first one that came along, which happened to be the one that they nearly missed. Truth to be told Steve didn’t care that they had to stand on their way. He was to busy admiring the magic band around his wrist (even if they hadn’t gotten a chance to design it, he was still very happy with the green band that he had been offered at the reception. Bucky had upon choice, opted for a red one. 

He was busy telling Bucky of all the things that he wanted to do first, which changed every minute and every second that they got closer to the park. There was a sort of thrill in his legs now, his mother would have said that he got ants in his pants. Bucky just seemed to find the whole thing hilarious however, and kept grinning up to steve as he changed his minds of rides and shops and things to see. 

So when they finally get off the bus, Steve all but drags him towards the park, where they scan the bracelets, get waved through security and are let into the park. Steve’s so excited that he grabs Bucky’s hand and pulls him along into the park. 

“Steve calm down we got all week,” Bucky says behind him with a laugh. Yet he chooses to close his fingers around Steve’s hand rather than pulling it free. He chooses to stay in Steve’s grip and chooses to stay with him. Steve doesn’t realise it at that moment, he’s just a little to overwhelmed from the sensation of being in the happiest place on earth. With Bucky. He’s not alone. He’s going to be okay after all. 

It’s been sneaking up on him bit by bit during their trip. But it’s not until this moment when they’re standing right on Main Street U.S.A that he fully believes that he’s going to be okay. He’s going to live through this, no matter what else the world will throw in his direction much like he’s lived through everything else that he’s had in his face. 

“Alright, so real talk,” Bucky says and halts, pulling Steve to stop as well and turns to face him. Steve does, a little bit out of breath from excitement bubbling, and maybe a little bit from the sight of Bucky as well. He looks wonderful, skin bronzed from the last couple of days traveling south. The little bit of sunburn on his nose has turned into a light brownish shade. If Steve’s not mistaken he sees a couple of freckles starting to appear on his shoulder. 

“Yeah?” Steve asks, suddenly sounding hopeful that Bucky might finally mention their night before, and before that. Their kisses and their touches that no friend shares with one another, but rather lovers. He wonders if Bucky is going to ask if they’re lovers now when they’re holding hands.

“What do you want to go on first?” Bucky asks instead with an amused little expression. Steve looks at him, then chuckles a little and shakes his head, looking around in Main Street U.S.A, in the not so far distance he can see the towers of the castle. They’re not lovers, he shouldn’t have gotten excited. So instead he tries to think of what he wants to do first of the hundreds of things that there’s to do. At least so it feels. 

“Space mountain,” Steve says with a nod and smirks to Bucky, whose eyes grow a little bit bigger at the mention of it. “You said you wanted to do Space Mountain for sure right? Well, I want to do everything so Space Mountain it is, Tomorrowland, come on let’s go!” Steve urges them both on and drags Bucky along with him again through the park. Behind him Bucky laughs and squeezes his hand. 

\--

Steve talks Bucky into buying ridiculous mouse ears halfway during the day. Steve’s own are blue and fuzzy with purple dots on them after that monsters movie that he liked so much. They weren’t exactly the sort that he had hoped for, and not  _ the _ pair that he wanted. But he supposed he’d find those when he stumbled across them. 

Bucky settled with the standard black mouse ears, and then needed an additional two minutes of convincing before he’d actually put them on his head. The picture that Steve sents to Winnie is that of Bucky with red ears, covering his face with his hand and trying to avoid looking straight into the camera. 

Winnie responds with emoji’s that have tears in their eyes while they’re laughing. And sends Steve a picture of Lulu standing at the edge of the pool, full focus on Becca as she holds up a ball, moments before actually throwing it. 

They spend some more time in shops, and Steve winds up buying a couple of t-shirts that he doesn’t really need, but wants nonetheless. Bucky mentions that now he’s finally getting the hang off what he told him now weeks ago. Just buy it when you want it and don’t feel guilty about it. 

They stop for a quick bite to eat in Gaston’s Tavern, and then instantly carry on to find more rides. From Fantasyland they move onto Liberty Square. From Liberty Square they move on to AdventureLand and eventually turn their way up to Frontierland where they stop into a shop and Bucky buys himself a couple of pins, then they move towards Splash Mountain, which they ride four times just to cool off a little and get soaked for the sake of getting soaked. Because why else do you go on Splash Mountain if not to listen to scream in panic right before the drop and sob a little, only to then walk out and say that it was the most fun they’ve had so far. 

By the time that they make it back to Liberty Square, the sun is starting to set, Steve’s feet are starting to hurt, his back is starting to ache and he’s getting hungry again. Bucky’s starting to walk a little bit slower, tired from the long day and probably with sore feet, which weren’t helped by flip flops. Steve was almost one hundred percent sure that they’d have to stop to buy band-aids in the hotel gift shop before they went to bed. 

“So, the fireworks start in like, twenty minutes, what do you wanna do? You wanna grab another ride until then?” Bucky asks and tucks his phone back into the pocket of his shorts. How it survived Splash Mountain was entirely beyond Steve. He’s pretty sure that his is now broke from the water. Steve hums and looks around. 

“We probably  _ could _ squish in one more ride? Then we can get like a hot dog or something and watch the fireworks? Head back to the Hotel and drop off our stuff. Head over to the boardwalk and see if they can fit us in somewhere for a proper bite to eat?” Steve suggests, not quite ready to call it a night just yet when they head back to their room. But he does want to take it easier, a little bit more time spent sitting down would be excellent thank you very much. 

“Sure,” Bucky says with a smile, looks around and then points to his left. “Wanna go on the Haunted Mansion one? The line’s pretty short and we haven’t done that yet?” Bucky suggests with his thumb still over his shoulder. Steve nods and walks over to the ride with Bucky. 

Sure enough the line isn’t long, they hardly spent two minutes queuing, laughing at the tombstones and the names written on them before they’re being offered a cart. Bucky, who has been carrying the bags with their merchandise down in between them and takes off his mouse ears and pulls a face just as the cart starts moving. “Man, these really hurt after a while.” Bucky scratches just behind his ears and then puts down the ears in one of their bags. 

“Yeah, they do,” Steve agrees and takes of his. Not because it actually hurts, but because he wants to look at them. He wants to watch his momento while they still are in the light. Moments later the ride plunges them into darkness and the song becomes very audible. Steve leans back against the hard plastic seat and relaxes a little despite that it’s supposed to be a spooky ride. For children. “I’ve had a great time today Buck, thank you,” Steve says and smiles at him, though he’s not sure that he can see in the dark. 

“Good, I’m glad you had a good time,” Bucky says, Steve can just barely make out his face, and he’s a little amused to notice that the yellow and the green from the piercing in his ear glows up in the ride and under the lights. “I had a pretty good time too,” 

“Only a pretty good?” Steve asks with a grin entirely ignoring the dancing skeletons. Bucky snorts and rolls his eyes, they glitter a little in the dark, and now he can see him more clearly as his eyes are getting used to the dark. 

“Alright, I’ve had a very good time today, I’m a bit tired now though of walking. And when we do call it a night later on I’m going to fall asleep like a freaking rock in that bed. It’s going to be so nice to upgrade from motel to hotel bed. The towels man, did you feel how fluffy they were?” Bucky goes on and gestures with his hands. Steve snickers a little bit and shakes his head. 

“I’ve had a good time with you, on this entire trip with you, you know that right?” Steve says on a tone so low that he’s not entirely sure it that it’s heard over the song, the melody of which is most certainly going to ingrain itself into Steve’s brain when he shuts his eyes that evening. Bucky nods a little, and Steve imagines that he hums, imagines the rumble of Bucky’s chest if he had pressed his ear against it. 

“Me too Steve, I needed this. Just as much as you needed this I imagine,” Bucky sighs and relaxes a little. Now it’s Steve’s time to hum and he looks around them. There’s something heavy hanging in between the two of them and Steve wants to address it. That instant there’s nothing else in the world that he’d rather want than to ask and have an answer. He wants to know, is that really to much to ask? 

The cart does a jiggle, and then makes a screeching noise and comes to a full halt. The lights flicker and then turn on bright and burning his eyes. Bucky pulls a face and raises his hand to shield his eyes a bit, but then just looks up. The skeletons and puppets however, continue dancing and singing. Somehow it’s a bit creepier in such clear light than it was in the dark. 

“What the hell?” Bucky asks on a slightly annoyed tone. Steve blinks once or twice and looks up, there’s a static sound and soon enough a voice breaks over the song that the ride has currently broken down (as if Steve and Bucky hadn’t realised this) and that they were working on fixing it as soon as possible. “Oh great, we better get out of here in time for the fireworks,” Bucky murmurs and pulls out his cellphone, it lights up and tells them that there’s only ten minutes before the parade starts. 

“Bucky what are we?” Steve asks, the question blurting out of him before he manages to stop himself. Bucky looks at him with wide eyes, almost doe-like and stares at Steve as if he’s not entirely sure on what Steve just blurted out. As if he’s not entirely sure that Steve was talking to begin with. Steve shifts in the cart and turns to face Bucky, entirely ignoring the puppets and the music now. Hell he doesn’t even hear it now. “Bucky what are we?” 

“I… friends?” Bucky stammers, his ears turn red again and he looks at everything else but Steve. He looks at the cart ahead of them with the family of three in, the puppets, the lights on top of them, the speaker that’s now entirely visible. “We’re friends,” Bucky repeats and only looks somewhat to Steve. He barely lays his eyes on Steve’s legs for a second before he looks away again and clears his throat. 

“Are we?” Steve asks a split second later. He frowns a little and tilts his head to the side. He doesn’t doubt that they’re friends. They’re the best of friends since childhood, they do everything together. And if something then this new trip to Florida together, jammed into a road and sharing motel rooms and getting high, going to see art exhibitions, skipping stones in the ocean, adopting a dog together. Having big family barbecues with Bucky’s parents. They are best friends, but over these last few weeks, Steve had come to see them as lovers. “I mean, are we really? After all this? After… the day before yesterday, and yesterday?” Steve asks him softly. Wanting to keep those two things for themselves, deep and intimate. 

Bucky’s jaw tightens and he looks ahead of them, stroking his fingers over his cheek as he appears to think. Steve waits for an answer. Feeling wound tight as if he’s a to tightly tuned guitar string. He waits anxiously for Bucky to say something,  _ anything _ .

Then Bucky opens his mouth, ready to say something, but then snaps his mouth shut and regrets it. His jaw turns tight again and Steve’s heart is beating away in his chest. He sees how Bucky takes a breath, just with a little shake to it and sees how he shifts to face him. But he doesn’t look him in his eyes, they’re just facing one another. 

“You don’t even  _ like _ guys,” Bucky says, perhaps a little bit louder than he originally intended, but he looks Steve in his eyes now. And Steve sees that this is something that Bucky truly believed. Perhaps always believed this, just like Steve can’t believe that Bucky thought that about him to begin with. He’s confused and he’s flabbergasted by the statement alone. 

“Bucky who told you that?” Steve asks then, wanting to reach out and grab hold of him, take his hand and squeeze it like Bucky had done for the better part of their Disney adventure today. Bucky looks to the happy family in front of him and now he realises that Bucky’s wonderful blue eyes are turning watery. He sniffs and looks down, wiping at the corners of his eyes with the palm of his hand. Steve shuffles a little bit closer to him, though not quite putting his arm around him. “Who told you I don’t like guys?” 

“You did!” Bucky says a little sharper than he intents, Steve can tell by the way that Bucky flinches a little when he spots one of the family members ahead of them turn around and look at them with a disgruntled look. As if Bucky’s short outburst is somehow even more annoying than being stuck in the ride. “You did, by never telling me. By always dating girls. Like, you don’t have an obligation to tell me or anything but… you never told me, when I opened up and told you. So I thought… I didn’t think that… I didn’t think that you’d feel that way cause you’re like the embodiment of the straight friend fantasy,” 

“Straight friend fantasy?” Steve murmurs with confusion, then shakes it off. It doesn’t matter, that’s not important right now. “Buck, I like guys too, I never told you because… well, you’re my best friend, you’re gay. I didn’t tell you because there really was no need to? Or so I thought? I figured… if I brought you a guy that I had met that it wouldn’t be a bit deal? Would it have been?” Steve asks softly, now daring himself to put an arm around Bucky’s shoulder to pull him in. Bucky lets himself be pulled in at that. 

“It wouldn’t have… I mean it would but…” Bucky lets out a soft chuckle and wipes at his eyes again, he looks down into his lap instead. “For different reasons. I guess?” He shrugs a little. “I guess I just thought… we’d have this, and that’d be it, you know? We’d go back to Brooklyn, you’d find your way. I mean, you’re better now, you said so yourself. You’d be happy, you wouldn’t need me the same way anymore. And you’d find someone else, and I’d be standing there like a jackass again.” 

Steve’s speechless and watches him, jaw slack like an idiot. The words sink in though, bit by bit as they sink to the bottom of his soul where he’s slowly digesting it, letting it merge with the rest of him. “Bucky I’d never let you stand at the side,” Steve says and squeezes Bucky’s shoulder a little bit. “I was hoping… I was hoping we wouldn’t put this aside. I wanted to talk about it but… you didn’t seem to want to.” 

Bucky rolls his shoulders a little as if to say  _ true _ and then sniffs again. He doesn’t say anything at first, then lets out another weak chuckle but one nonetheless - but slightly happier - and dabs at his eyes again. “Yeah I guess I did kind of,” Bucky says on a soft voice, he almost sounds a little like the young boy that Steve knew once upon a time. Steve watches him, now daring himself to reach out and stroke his fingers through Bucky’s hair, brush it out of his face and takes his hand. 

Bucky just looks down to them as Steve’s hand closes over his. Steve dares himself to stroke the skin on the back of Bucky’s hand with his thumb a little. Wanting to touch him more intimately than he already is. Bucky takes a breath and holds it. “Is this…” He begins. Steve remains silent and listens to what Bucky has to say. “Is this the part where we confess our love for one another?” Bucky asks on a whisper, as if he’s still too scared to say the words out loud but… daring enough to at least make some mention of it.

“It could be. If we want it to be.” Steve squeezes both Bucky’s hand and his shoulder a little. Bucky laughs nervously, shaking his head a little. Steve can feel how the tension seeps out of his muscles and drifts away. Leaving him alone so he can relax. So he can just take in the conversation that they just had. Realise the weight of the words that they just said. Steve’s heart is pounding like that of a racehorse while he waits for Bucky to say something. Anything at this point. 

“It was,” Bucky turns his eyes to Steve. “I guess it was,” He whispers, putting the final stamp on everything. Changing their relationship status from it’s complicated to  _ in a relationship _ . Steve feels like he could lay on clouds and not sink through it. Bucky is his. 

Just as Steve is about to lean in to kiss him, they’re plunged back into darkness. The woman ahead of them lets out a short little scream as they’re blinded. The cart jolts once, then twice and starts to move again as the ride carries on. Steve lets out a sound of frustration and Bucky just bursts out laughing. 

“I guess the ride was kind of our wingman wasn’t it huh?” Bucky settles himself more comfortable, now becoming a little bit more visible as Steve’s eyes once more adapt themselves to the dark. 

“Can I kiss you?” Steve asks him, desperately wanting to cover Bucky’s lips with his own, taste him and show Bucky just how much he really wants him. How much he really wants him. He’s annoyed at the ride, and doesn't really see the humor in it the same way as Bucky does. Steve rather thinks that the ride served as a cockblock. He’s almost convinced that the engineer of the ride fixed it and didn’t start it it until he was about to kiss him. 

“No,”   


“No?!” Steve blurts out and watches him with disbelief. There’s enough light so he can see that BUcky the bastard is smirking in his seat beside him. “What do you mean no?” 

“I mean… that with the ride fixed, we’re going to be able to make it to the Happily Ever After parade and fireworks and all…” Bucky trails off and looks to Steve the happiest he’s ever seen him in his entire life. “And I don’t want to get kissed in the Haunted Mansion ride when I very well can get kissed in front of that damn castle during the Happily Ever After Parade and get kissed during fireworks. So no you can’t kiss me now.” 

Steve just stares at him, finding it difficult to believe Bucky at that moment while at the same time he’s not surprised at all. “Oh you’re incredible you know that,” Steve says with a huff and looks straight ahead, but keeps his arm around Bucky’s shoulder and keeps covering his hand with his own. “I’ll kiss you alright,” He swears both to himself and to Bucky, who just laughs happily at Steve’s reaction and rests his head against Steve’s shoulder. 

\--

By the time that they do make it out of the ride, the parade has already begun. Music is being played over the loudspeakers and a crowd has already gathered by Main Street. As soon as they get out, Bucky who never really let go of Steve’s hand, drags him along through the rest of the park and not really paying attention to the few people are still wandering around. 

Steve holds his hand tight, partially because he wants to, and partially because he doesn’t want to lose Bucky in the crowd once it starts to thicken. He’s carrying the bags with their merchandise now. Because Bucky had been too excited to get out and get going for that kiss of theirs, that he just plain and simple had forgotten it. Steve doesn’t mind. 

They catch only a small glimpse of the parade, which Steve doesn’t really mind. They’ll be here for another six evenings, he’s pretty certain that they’ll come back to Magic Kingdom at some point during their stay and they can watch it properly then. What he cares most about is watching the fireworks. So finally, when the parade reaches its end and the first rocket is fired up into the now darkening sky and explodes, Steve feels it in his entire chest. The pang of it vibrates through all that is him, and then the second rocket goes up, and the third. 

He turns to watch Bucky, whose eyes are also fixed upon the sky, wide and dark. The colours of the rockets when they blow up play on his face for a couple of seconds, but most importantly, the sparks of it all dance in his eyes. Steve bites his lip again and brushes their shoulders together to get his attention. 

“So is this the part where we confess our love for one another, and i finally get to kiss you? Is this the right moment?” Steve asks, his cheeks are beginning to hurt a little, and he feels… the happiest he’s ever been. The happiest fucking place on earth and he’s the happiest he’s ever been, with a man that he loves. It’s almost a little bit cliche and a little bit corny. Just a little bit. 

Bucky gives him a smile. A shy, careful smile that shows he’s still just a little on guard, but the curiosity and the desperate want for it wins. Bucky nods a little. So faint that anyone just having him in the corner of their eyes wouldn’t have noticed. But Steve whose focus is on Bucky and on Bucky alone sees it. The miniscule jump of Bucky’s hair gives it away. “This is the right moment.” 

Steve kisses him, closing in the distance between the two of them and kisses him softly and gently. In his head he plays it over in a million different ways, quick and surging, slow and intimate, just a peck. But the real kiss is so much better, he kisses him softly, soundly and hears the fireworks go off somewhere around them, exploding and surging through their bodies. He places a hand in Bucky’s neck to keep him there and Bucky covers his hand with his own. Kissing Steve back so perfectly, giving just as much as he’s taking and keeping an even balance between them. 

It’s by far the best kiss that Steve’s ever had in his entire life. He loves all the kisses that he’s shared with Bucky these past few days. But this, this shares its own special kind of power. This is the kiss where Steve stops being just Steve, and where Bucky stops being Bucky. This is the kiss where the two of them become one in a whole different way. 

When they break apart moments later their noses brush by one another and Bucky lets out a short infectious fit of giggles that Steve joins in on. “So does this mean that uhh…” Steve licks his lips as he tries to think of what word best to use to explain it while it really is simple. “Does this mean that I get to call you my boyfriend and such? That I can kiss you whenever I want?” 

Bucky grins to him and nods again, standing up a little bit on his toes to reach up and kiss Steve again. And again, and again as the fireworks still go on behind them. 

Steve kisses his boyfriend back. 

\--


	7. Epilogue

“This is the last box!” Bucky says as he comes into the apartment, carrying a cardboard box and drops it down onto his desk. “You know, the whole idea of you moving in with me is kind of, you moving in with me, not me moving you in here?” He teases as he wipes at his brow. 

Steve, who for the better part of the last thirty minutes had been sitting on the floor in Bucky’s living room with Lulu (who in the past three weeks of knowing her gotten even larger) and played with her. She had not been bothered by the amount of boxes being brought into the apartment. Not that Steve had a whole lot of things that he wanted to bring. Most of his furniture he had managed to sell on Craigslist in an instant. What he kept had been his art supplies, desk, some books, a couple of wine glasses and his clothes. That had been it. Even his clothes he had sorted through and tossed more than two thirds of his wardrobe out. 

The decision to move in together had come after just being home for three days back in Brooklyn, when Steve had found that he couldn’t sleep without hearing Bucky breathing beside him in his bed. Bucky, luckily, had the same issue, and instantly offered that they’d stop their little divorced parent routine for Lulu, and that they’d get back together for the kids. 

“I know but you look so good doing hard labour,” Steve teases and looks up from the dog and to Bucky. Lulu shakes her head and for a short moment it feels like she’ll rip off Steve’s arms as he tries to keep the tug toy remotely still. For some reason she loves it when they just hold it and she tries to pull it out of their grip. 

“Oh how funny,” Bucky chuckles, but just for the sake of it (and Steve knows this because Bucky is grinning) he takes his shirt, pulls it up and rubs his face with it. Showing off his stomach and the little trail of hairs down his abdomen. The Happy Trail, Bucky used to call it. 

“Uhuh,” Steve murmurs while he keeps his eyes on that very happy trail. He lets go of the toy and Lulu pulls it off the floor, swings it around and happily trots away with it in her mouth. Letting go and catching the toy again until it finally drops to the floor with a heavy thud. “Come here?”

Bucky lowers his shirt and then gives him a look. A smile comes over Bucky’s face and he strokes Steve’s hair when he stands in front of him. Steve keeps his eyes on him as he looks up, grinning a little to himself. Then he lifts Bucky’s shirt and kisses The Happy trail and makes a gesture for Bucky to come down. 

Bucky does and lowers himself to kneel over Steve’s lap, loosely hooking his arms around Steve’s shoulders. Steve kisses him, because he can now. Because Bucky is his boyfriend, and now they get to live together. 


End file.
